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September 11th, 2012 This morning at 9:46 when the president held a moment of silence on the White House lawn, I realized that once again it was Tuesday. I looked outside and the weather was exactly like it was that Tuesday morning 11 years ago. During that moment of silence, as the chimes played, I was eerily taken back to that beautiful Tuesday morning in my classroom and felt the horror and unanswered “whys” for all of those lost.
When the commercials resumed, and I was jolted back to 2012, I felt that even after 11 years there’s still no way to answer the “whys”. I opened my meditation book, and how ironically, this was what I found:
“We find by losing. We hold back by letting go. We become something new by ceasing to be something old. This seems to be close to the heart of that mystery. I know no more now than I ever did about the far side of death as the last letting-go of all, but now I know that I do not need to know, and that I do not need to be afraid of not knowing. God knows. That is all that matters.” ~ Frederick Beuchner
And so, as another day goes by, I don’t know what I don’t know – and that is okay, and….I have written.
September 10th, 2012 I couldn’t wait for the premier of season 10 of The Talk today. The five women hosts were going on stage with no makeup on. I guess the big question is “Does makeup change who we are?” My first instinctive answer would be “No! Absolutely not!”, said rather indignantly. Clothes and face paint cannot change the person I am inside, so I couldn’t wait to see my hero, Julie Chen, as she really is and gauge my reaction.
Well, I think my opinion was changed, or slightly moved a bit to the “yes” side. I was blown away when I saw Julie without makeup. She really didn’t look like any Julie I had ever seen on TV. Out of the five women, the most shocking changes were Sharon Osborne and Julie. Julie’s story about going out without makeup got me thinking. Her sister told her she looked like a Chinese delivery boy. Last night at the nail salon a woman tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Ling, how long until my mani-pedi?” Can you imagine? Julie Chen went from, well, Julie Chen, to a Chinese delivery boy and a manicurist. (Not that there’s anything wrong with being a delivery boy or a manicurist) The point is, no makeup changed the perception of who Julie Chen was, from who she usually is.
Now I’m not naive enough to believe that who anyone is inside depends on whether or not they wear makeup, but on the other hand, I do believe that the makeup we wear and the style of our clothes make strong statements about who we are inside. In my friend’s book, Bonjour, Happiness, Jamie Cat Callan talks about dressing up and having fun with clothes – even if your only going to the grocery store or the coffee shop. Put on a little lip gloss and comb your hair. You do make a statement. People are watching. You make a different statement by wearing gray sweatpants and no makeup. Again, does that really change who you are inside? I know. You want to quickly yell out “No! It doesn’t!”
Don’t answer so fast. Stop and think. Don’t the things we do everyday form who we are inside? Doesn’t the image we see in the mirror every morning before we leave the house reinforce who we are inside? That image tells us we are beautiful and incredibly confident and are going out to conquer the world or it tells us we are depressed and don’t care about anything and just don’t have the energy to do anything about it. If you’re told any message over and over, everyday, it does change who you are inside over time.
When I retired I experienced this. After a few months, I realized I didn’t need stylish clothes anymore. I found myself wearing yoga clothes everyday, everywhere. Then I found my self thinking, “Oh why bother with makeup? I’m going to the store for five minutes”. After about eight months I started feeling sad about the woman in the mirror. I started not caring about how the house looked, because, after all who was here to see it but me? I started feeling like there’s no point to most of my days, etc. You can see where this is headed.
Then, one day, I had a conversation with that woman in the mirror. I told her she doesn’t have to wear yoga clothes. She can go out and have fun developing a new style for a new life (even though it still involved a lot of black leggings). I told her to clean up her space and put that makeup on before leaving the house. Thank God she listened.
So, yes, makeup does have the power to change who we are both inside and out. The important thing is to realize the power of that power and use it in a positive way, to enhance our lives and wear it to inspire self-confidence, not to cover up who we are, or because we care so much about what others think of us.
I’m glad the ladies of The Talk chose to bare it all in their opening show. It gave me a boost to revive and play with my fall wardrobe – and maybe go out and get some new makeup.
And so, as another day goes by, Katie Couric’s new talk show is on now, Pink is on Ellen today, I love the new season openers of daytime tv, and…I have written.
September 9th, 2012 This weekend my daughter brought her three friends down from Boston and we all had a great time. As they were packing to leave today, my daughter said, “Okay Mom, NOW you can write summer is over. It was too early last week.”
I smile thinking how desolate it was out here last Tuesday, with the school buses reappearing. I laugh to myself how she just refused to believe that and couldn’t bear to let go of summer. Today begins “football Sundays” and we are forced out of denial. The garden is in shambles. Huge tomatoes broke down the “trees” they grew on. The weather is overcast and very cool. The Patriots are beating the Titans 21-3 on tv. Tomato sauce is cooking on the stove. Yes, my daughter is right. NOW it’s over.
Denial is not always a bad thing. Sometimes denial protects us from such intense pain that would cause cardiomyopathy and gives us a chance to heal in a cocoon; insulated and safe. Then, slowly, just like football and homemade tomato sauce, gentle reminders invade our safe space and we slowly crawl out and begin to accept what we can no longer deny.
And so, as another day goes by, fall has invaded the space occupied by summer, the scarecrow is all that’s left to remind of what once was, and …I have written.
September 8th, 2012 My friend, who is an amazing writer of two wonderful blogs, recently reviewed the movie Hope Springs in her blog, Movies, Popcorn, No Butter. It’s a great review. And while she nailed my feelings about the film exactly, she brought up a line from the movie that struck her. A line I completely missed in the midst of my being strangely uncomfortable while watching the film. (I have never been to a movie before where the pall of honesty hung over the entire theater and you could feel that everyone there was feeling slightly exposed.) The line she cites is:
“What are you going to do with your one and only life?”
She didn’t even remember who said it and I don’t even think I heard it, so I’m glad she pointed it out. It’s a huge line. It’s a huge question. A “life” is a long, long time. I was especially impressed with her answer to this huge, huge, question. She said:
“Watching this movie, I felt for the first time, it is not what one needs to strive for. It is more important to get it right with another human being; to really go through ups and downs and years of interaction might be the best thing you can do with your one and only life.” ~ Movies, Popcorn, No Butter
Her answer hit me harder than the line from the movie. It’s not about our careers or how much money we manage to make. Those things change as we journey through the decades. It’s who and how we journey with that matters the most. When I picture myself on my death bed, it’s my husband and my children that I see around me as I say my final goodbye to this earth. Not my house. Not my beach. Not my books I hope to have written before that time. Not my teaching career of many years. Not my car. Not my bank account. No. On that final day, when I take my final breath, the only thing that will matter are those that I’ve had “the ups and downs and years of interaction” with. The people I “got it right with” for decades. I’ve known my husband for 50 years (I met him when I was 9), my one daughter for 31 years, and my other daughter for 27 years. Still, through all the “ups and downs” and “interaction” throughout those decades, we remain close and loving and on the up and up with each other. We know unconditional love.
I do agree with my friend that in today’s world, that is a huge accomplishment and a very good thing to do with one’s “one and only” life.
And so, as another day goes by, check out the blogs Movies, Popcorn, No Butter and Freesia Lane, both written by my friend Christine, who keeps me thinking and moves me a bit more forward every time we’re together, and….I have written.
moviespopcornnobutter.com
freesialane.com
September 7th, 2012 A few weeks ago I went to visit a friend of mine. She had this tiny adorable female cocker spaniel named Journey. I loved the dog, and I was intrigued by the name. Most people’s dogs I meet I wouldn’t remember their names, but “Journey” was such a unique name for a dog that I couldn’t quite forget this one.
I remembered Journey today in Bikram yoga class, because the theme for today was “journeys”. The teacher wanted us to concentrate on our setups. She said to view the each posture as a journey and the setup is where we pack our bags. The point was not to rush into the posture leaving your “bags” home. She brought up different journeys that life hands us and whether or not we needed a destination because, of course, we all KNOW it’s about the journey.
I reflected back in starting my Bikram journey two years ago this month. For most beginners it’s about the postures and trying to do them the best you can despite the heat. For me, in those early days, it was never about how well I was doing the postures. In fact, most days I didn’t even remember doing them. It was all about calming down in rough situations I had no control over. It was all about the persistence of going back day after day even though it was downright awful in that hot room. It was all about giving up control to something higher than me.
It is only now, two years later, I find myself actually paying attention to the postures and putting more effort into how well I do them. It’s taken two years for the physical to finally catch up to and begin to mesh with the spiritual. It’s been a truly life changing journey.
Having a dog is a journey of a different kind. I, too, once had a tiny female cocker spaniel. We had her for 14 years. She was the third kid. She taught my children much about caring and responsibility. She taught us about that unconditional love that we saw in those big brown eyes starting up at us. She taught us about trust as she put her whole care into our hands.
So many journeys in our lives are about loving unconditionally, trusting, letting go, and accepting. In a way, these are common destinations among these many journeys we travel. What journeys in your life are constantly teaching you these things? Look for them throughout your day.
And so, as another day goes by, Journey is a great name for a dog, and …I have written.
Here is Journey. Is she just the cutest and so “zenful” herself? 🙂
September 6th, 2012 I just loved this post on a writing blog I read and had to share it. 🙂
“The Steve Laube Agency Blog
Rejuvenate!
Posted: 06 Sep 2012 03:00 AM PDT
By Tamela Hancock Murray
Of late, several popular Christian and secular bloggers have posted about unplugging for a time. I have enjoyed reading their ideas because I realize the importance of rebooting every once in awhile.
Years ago I read an article that said if being laid up with a broken ankle for six weeks sounded good to you, then you are too stressed out. At that moment, I knew I had to change my life. And I did.
Today, my work doesn’t feel like work to me. I greet each day eager to see what each email will bring. Nor do I dread vacations, because I love spending time with my husband and family. But since vacations are brief and rare, I try to unplug a little each day. I don’t say my ideas and routines are perfect, nor will they work for everyone. They are a mix of determination and time management:
Protect your time with the Lord.
I have a place set aside in a room where I cannot see a clock. I read the Bible, and keep on hand a book of my choice that I find challenging and edifying enough that I look forward to reading it. I have just started a book on personal godliness by Puritan writer John Owen, edited by James Houston (acquired by Steve Laube when he was an editor at Bethany House Publishers). When I’m too busy, it’s tempting to make this time quick. To force myself to slow down, I light a candle and say special prayers, including the Jesus Prayer, which is, Jesus, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner. I also say the Lord’s prayer, The Apostle’s Creed, sometimes other prayers, and my own prayers.
Protect your leisure time with your husband and family.
You’ve read that you should make a date with your husband each week. I say make a date with him each night by putting aside quality time for each other. On a related note, make a few minutes for your children each day as well. Sit down to dinner every evening. Yes, this can be a challenge with active kids and teens. But our family has always made this a consistent practice as much as possible. We enjoy those precious times of conversation and interaction.
Protect your weekends.
I usually engage very little with email on Saturdays. I have budgeted that day for routine errands. By the same token, I run only unusual or emergency errands on weekdays so I can concentrate on work during normal business hours. On Sundays, I try to avoid email altogether. The Lord did not make the Sabbath for Himself, but for us.
Protect your breaks during each business day.
Insist on taking a half hour for lunch. You need this break. If you are feeling stressed, take an extra break. Walk around the block or drink a cup of tea. Better to take a breather than write an email or make a phone call you later regret.
I have found that when I protect special times, I don’t feel an overarching need to unplug in a big way.
Not that I would mind the occasional trip to the mountains or beach!
Your turn:
What is your favorite daily way to unplug?
What is your favorite way to unplug in a big way?”
Protection. I love the way Murray used the word in this blog. Protection. Protect the things important to keeping you both mentally and physically healthy. I picture keeping an umbrella over my daily yoga practice. I picture wrapping a warm blanket around my morning mediation time. I picture closing the shades and locking the doors at my lunchtime news and food break. Protection.
How do you “protect” those times and things you do that are absolutely necessary to keeping you peaceful and calm in the midst of chaos?
And so, as another day goes by, I will continue to protect my peace, and….I have written.
September 5th, 2012 I have been a member of the Cape Cod Writers Center for three years now and have witnessed many “rites of passage” for writers. I, myself, have gone from writing nothing to writing this daily blog and four picture books. This year I served on the board of this wonderful organization. Over the past three years I have seen friends of mine get their books published one by one. I read, enjoyed and reviewed each one.
Our president, Kevin Symmons, has been a great friend and role model for me both as a new board member and a fledgling writer trying to find her small place in a big world. Sometimes the job of getting a contract seems like the highest mountain there is – and at times, really feels unattainable. Kevin has worked long and hard as a writer for many years. Finally, this year, all his hard work and dedication paid off. His paranormal romance, Rite of Passage, has been published by Wild Rose Press. The e-version just came out on August 26th.
As soon as it hit my kindle, I was totally engrossed in his heroine’s “Rite of Passage”. Symmons writes a fast moving page turner that you cannot put down until Courtney’s fate is sealed. Set in 1947, filled with witchcraft, fine estates, and chivalry that is not dead, Kevin Symmons made my holiday weekend on the beach exciting.
“Rite of Passage”, now available on most e-readers, is a great read. Give it a try!
And so, as another day goes by, thanks to mentors like Kevin and my Cape Cod Children’s Writers group, today I wrote my first query letter – time to get one of my books out there, and…I have written.
September 4th, 2012 It’s a tradition on Cape Cod for the residents to line up on the overpasses along route 6 and wave goodbye to the 20 miles of stopped traffic as our summer visitors leave us. Some wave in extreme happiness to be getting their roads and shops back. Others, like me, wave with a fond nostalgia, knowing the fun and fireworks have to end and I need to enter my restful seasons.
My husband and I have our own Labor Day tradition to say goodbye to summer and celebrate the fact that on this day we don’t have to drive back to NY for me to be in school tomorrow. We have worked hard for this day and we stop and honor the good road God has given us. We spend the day on the beach, with food and drink, until the sun sets behind the cottages and the last of the beach goers leave us hanging in a hammock of peacefulness. I snap the last pic of the sinking sun, we pack up our gear and amble home to grill hot dogs and have what now becomes a fall fire.
This morning the school bus arrived promptly at 8:29 to turn around on my street. Something was missing – those horrid screeching brakes that I’ve become accustomed to. On my walk this afternoon only 5 cars and that school bus passed me. Ah..ha – I know where the screeching brakes went – my bus run got a brand new bus this year. Garbage trucks scurry along scooping up the last huge hauls of the summer. From now on it’ll only be a stray trash can here and there. On my way back home neighbors were outside power washing boats to put them to sleep for the winter.
Signs – everywhere – signs that the earth has once again tilted and we are being gently shoved into a new season, a new direction, and change is upon us.
And so, as another summer is laid to rest, it is time now to become aware of the signs of this new season and all the hope and wonder it holds, (I’m glad it doesn’t hold screeching brakes this year) and…I have written.
September 3rd, 2012 This morning I dragged my broken body, beaten up by paddle board, waves, and rocks, to Bikram yoga. We stood to begin pranayama breathing and I noticed my two purple bruises right below my left knee. I thought, “What was I supposed to learn from these lingering marks?”. Then, the teacher, my dear friend Shirley, said her theme today was the Wizard of Oz. Brains, heart and courage, all of what you learn in Bikram yoga.
I used to think courage and bravery were one in the same. After my paddle boarding experience, I now think new and different thoughts. Yesterday when I hopped up on that board and hurried to try to stand and promptly fell to the fate of the sea (even if was only 2 feet deep), was what I call bravery. I put this huge board in the water, put aside my fear and hopped on. Bravery, but no brains. Then I tried two or three more times to stand up, my husband steadying the board. I didn’t fall, but gracefully slid off into the water. Getting brains. On my fourth try, I knelt there and said to him, I don’t think I’m going to be able to do this. No courage. I let my first devastating fall destroy my confidence. That’s when my husband suggested just kneeling. He urged me to try it. To take my time. Stay close to shore. But he never said quit. Found courage – it comes in small steps. I followed his lead and had a wonderful time. As I paddled my way up and down the shore, appreciating maneuvering the board, enjoying the calm sea and quiet morning, I found heart.
Courage is not blasting into something quickly. When you are on the brink of doing something hard that you know you have to do, take one small step. That’s courage, brains, and heart all acting together.
This week my fading purple bruises will remind of the lion, the scarecrow, and the tin man, and how I, like them, possessed all three – it just took something like paddle boarding and my teacher Shirley to help me see that. (Awesome, energizing class today Shirley – thank you for the practice and the wisdom!)
And so, as another day goes by, please stay open to trying new things, have a wonderful holiday, and….I have written.
September 2nd, 2012 The morning dawned quiet and beautiful. We still had the paddle board until noon. At 9 am, after feeding me a good breakfast, my husband looked at me and said, “Wanna try one more time?” That was all I needed. A little encouragement from someone else, because I had been thinking the exact same thing. We decided we’d drive down and go up on the beach and check the waves. The tide was slowly coming in and the seas were a foot or less. Mostly less near our shore. We went back to the truck and maneuvered the beast back onto the beach.
Once in the water, my husband held it steady and I climbed on. Silly me just decided I’d stand right up on it. Wrong. Down I went into the water. I climbed back up on it a second time. My husband, wise soul that he is, suggested just sitting on it for awhile. I did. It worked. Pretty soon I was paddling up and down the beach easily.
As my confidence built, I eventually stood up on my knees and practiced maneuvering the board with my lower body. I don’t know why the paddle board people don’t tell newbies to start out sitting. Especially one like me who has never kayaked or paddled anything on water before. I finally relaxed and looked up at the expanse of the ocean as I “drove” across it. Beautiful. Exhilarating and relaxing at the same time. I wanted to do this for hours – but my knees didn’t. I knew I’d have to stand sooner or later.
The more sure of myself I got, the braver I got. I began practicing turning around. That was the hardest part of all because I had to battle against the waves. It took a lot of strength and a lot of crashing upon the beach before I made one successful u-turn. After two hours (my patient husband sitting on the rocks keeping an eye on me) and I decided we were hungry and tired. We maneuvered the beastly board back up the beach path and into the truck. My paddle board adventure was over for this year. I have to give special thanks to my husband and daughter for dragging this beastly board up and down this beach for two days. Without them getting on “board” with me, I couldn’t have done it. I have the best family a mom could ever want.
I’m glad I went back out this morning to try. I would’ve wondered for days if I should’ve attempted it again. It reminded me all over again of how we learn to navigate new territory. Step by step. Kneel before you can stand. Get the feel of the waves. Realize you cannot manipulate their force. Learn to use the paddle to work with them in tandem. Little by little nurture that confidence you started out with. Become stronger. Respect the sea. It’s not out to love you or get you. It’s just there. Learn to work within its parameters. When you realize you went too far, turn around. Turning around is the hardest part and takes all your strength. Don’t quit. You are part of something bigger.
I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I’ll be doing a true S’UP in 2013. This was a truly memorable, bucket list morning.
And so, as another day goes by, I lay warm and dry in my beach chair, happily satisfied that I didn’t give up, soon to drift off and nap to sound of the waves, and …I have written.
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