|
|
August 12th, 2012 Jamie Cat Callan, a great author and a super fun teacher, is introducing an author friend of hers this Tuesday for a signing at a local bookstore. Her friend, Teresa Link, wrote a book called “Denting the Bosch”. I liked the title so much I decided to read the book before going to the signing on Tuesday.
The book is about six couples in their fifties growing apart and reevaluating their marriages and their lives. I just got to the page where the title is mentioned and it certainly sets the symbolism for the plots in the book. I won’t comment further on it because I don’t want to ruin the effect for those who might want to read the book. The author’s style is easy to read, but yet her use of symbolism to describe the emotions of her characters quickly puts the reader right into their heads and made me, as a reader, “feel” right along with them. I’m still in the first 100 pages, but the story keeps me looking for more.
Yesterday my husband and I went to see Hope Springs. Yet another story about a couple in their fifties growing apart and reevaluating their marriage and their lives.
What both book and movie have in common is that in the troubled marriages, none involve “the other woman” as a major character. All the couples seem to be standing in a quiet place and feeling the lights of passion and love slowly dimming just between the two of them, without the outside influence of another person. How unique and how refreshing and….how very, very, real.
Most couples in my age group experience bumps in the road and periods of time where they’ve lost connection. Most couples recognize it like the characters in the movie, without another person being involved. Sometimes it leads to a parting of the ways, but most times this very intimate conflict is resolved by both people growing and changing, making it a positive growth phase for each person separately, as well as a couple.
But these stories don’t make news. (Not even in the local gossip circles.) These stories, without the third person, don’t make books or movies. Yet it is these stories that are close to home and touch the lives of many more people, than the ones that contain that third person as a significant player.
When the two people make it and end up with that smile that is on Arnold’s face at the end of the movie (I’m not giving it away – it was shown on Sunday Morning) hope really does spring from such a story that validates the vulnerability and humanness of living with someone for thirty years. With work and trust, two people standing in that quiet place where they realize something is wrong and needs their undivided attention, really can rekindle that with which they started with so many years ago. Unlike most break-up movies of today where the unhappy party runs to someone else and that private, intimate, quiet space that allows the two people to work it out between them, is lost, Hope Springs shows how it is for the rest of us. I could feel the energy in the audience as the movie connected with those who are there or those who have already gone thru it.
Read “Denting the Bosch” and see “Hope Springs”.
And so, as another day goes by, the twist in the stories might not be that exciting and as captivating as those that contain “the other woman or man”, but in a way they are much more real and close to home, and ….I have written.
August 11th, 2012 This week at the writing conference every teacher and student reiterated a rule right out the “writing bible” – show, don’t tell. To an author, this means engaging your characters in action and let those actions convey the themes and emotions of your work – do not simply narrate your story.
Today, walking on the beach, this rule kept walking through my mind, but not in connection with writing. It occurred to me that this is a rule not only in writing, but in life, too. Apply it to all relationships. Don’t run around telling people what you are going to do and how you are going to act. Just be quiet and show them. It may take more time than telling them, but showing them by the way you live your life, and the way you react to others, is way more effective and certainly more genuine.
And so, as another day goes by, “show don’t tell” is just as good for a life rule as it is for a writing rule, and…I have written.
August 10th, 2012 You learn important lessons in the strangest places. While watching the dvr’d version of a soap opera, one thing I’ve observed in the behavior of the characters was the way they stop and pause extra long after being asked a major question or told something really huge that’s going to cause conflict. This very pregnant pause allows the network to go to commercial.
After watching months of this, I realize it’s a life lesson. Who knew you could learn life lessons in a soap opera? It occurred to me that stopping and not speaking, and taking that very pregnant pause when posed with an appalling situation, is exactly the behavior I need to mimic. Today I tried it. Instead of being my usual animated self, and jumping into a conversation that I’m passionate about, I pulled back. Today I let people talk all around me – even though I had pertinent information bursting out of my head to contribute to the conversation, I kept quiet and just observed. When they turned to talk to me or ask my opinion, I hesitated instead of jumping ahead and opening my mouth. By taking that pause, my answer to the inquiry actually changed from my initial impulse answer. I said less. Which can only mean I heard more. Hearing more, can only mean I had a better understanding of where others are coming from. Thus, my response was more in tune to the conversation.
Why is this important to me? It’s important because there are many times I left a group gathering where I felt I dominated the conversation and never took the time to see and understand the other person’s point of view. That was important to me – to fully stop and really listen to other people before injecting my own opinion into a conversation. I feel, thanks to the Young and Restless, I have become a better person.
And so, as another day goes by, who knew I could learn better listening skills and better manners in general from a soap opera? And…I have written.
August 9th, 2012 If you haven’t seen this New York Times article, The Busy Trap, it’s worth a look. This paragraph is one of my favorites:
“Idleness is not just a vacation, an indulgence or a vice; it is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets. The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration — it is, paradoxically, necessary to getting any work done.” – Tim Kerider
This week I set aside time to attend a writing conference, putting all else aside and doing something just for me. This is the third summer I’ve done this and it inspires, refreshes, and rejuvenates me for another long fall and winter season.
This “doing something for yourself” really is critical to our health and well-being. For me, this week it was this conference, but for so many other days during the year it is idleness. Sometimes in the form of a walk. Sometimes in the form of just sitting and reading the day away with a book. The point is, it’s a better antidote to stress than any pill ever could be. Not selfish, but self-care – essential self-care. This weekend, try some idleness. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t feel selfish. “Stand back from life and see it as a whole.”
And so, as another day goes by, “the wild summer lightening strikes of inspiration” have hit home this week, and…I have written.
August 8th, 2012 When I write an email, I have to send it. When I write a letter (or, I should say, back in the day when people actually wrote letters), I had to mail it. When I write a blog, I have to publish it. People would ask me why I have to send or publish it. Can’t you just ever save it as a draft? No. And I often questioned myself on this. I would tell myself, write all the messages you want, just save them as drafts. I tried it a few times. If I knew before I started writing that I was only going to save the message or blog as a draft, the energy and purpose for writing it would just dissipate and I wouldn’t write it. Why? I would ask myself. Why can’t I just not send or publish something? Sometimes so many problems would be avoided if I just didn’t send the message and saved it as a draft. This puzzled me for a few years now. It was as if the message wasn’t worth writing if it wasn’t going to be seen by the intended recipient. For some reason, I couldn’t write it just to make myself feel better.
Then, tonight, we had a wonderful speaker and he gave me my answer. Andre Dubus II, author of Townie, was the most real and in touch writer I have ever heard speak. Most writers tell you you can’t give up, you need to get your social media in gear, it’s all about getting published, etc. Andre gave the real reason a writer writes. Andre solved the mystery of why I can’t write something I’m only going to save as a draft. He said:
“Writing is communicating something from one heart to another.”
That’s it. For me, if the other heart is not going to get the message, the reason for writing it is gone. That’s why I can’t write a draft. What I write, even in an email, is real and true and comes from my heart or I couldn’t write it. Tonight I realized I just can’t “make up” things to write, just to write something. I can’t write things I don’t feel. For me, that’s exactly what writing is: one heart communicating to another.
And so, as the third day of “summer camp” goes by, I find this year I’m learning much more about myself as a writer, rather than learning more about the craft, and…I have written.
August 7th, 2012 Last night’s keynote speaker at “summer camp” was New York Times best selling author Joseph Finder (High Crimes, The Moscow Club, and most recent, Buried Secrets). He was funny and entertaining. He’s had a stunning career. He told us a lot about how he knew he was a writer and the research and writing process he uses.
For me, the most valuable information came during the Q&A at the end. The question posed was:”What advice do you have for new writers?” His answer was:
“Be stubborn and learn from rejection.”
Then, today, I attended my second class with The Book Doctors. This class was about finding agents and publishers. Again, the most valuable piece of information I got was again in the Q&A:
“You evolve as you persevere.”
All very important messages to an unknown trying to make it in an artist’s world. The Book Doctors told us that the reason 90% of writers don’t make it is because they gave up – not because their work isn’t any good.
You have to try, and try again, and sometimes you even have to try a different road – just as long as you keep trying. It’s the process that grows and changes and betters and reworks the artist as he/she grows and changes and betters and reworks his/her projects. A writer may have to try a new genre. A musician may have to try writing a different kind of music. An artist may have to experiment with new media.
When I think about it, perseverance is the key in everything we battle in life. In times of frustration we may need to be still and listen. When we finally hear, we may have to decide to change course. When we change course, we change ourselves ever so slightly, until we hit another plateau and we begin again. “You evolve as you persevere.”
And so, as the second day of “summer camp” goes by, I resolve to be “stubborn and learn from rejection” so that I may “evolve as I persevere”, and….I have written.
August 6th, 2012 When I was a child I never got to go to summer camp. I read books in which children my age went to summer camp, but I never got to go. I used to play by myself in my backyard, with imaginary friends, having a great time at an imaginary summer camp. Today, looking back, I can see how these hours whiled away developed the writer in me. I spent a lot of time in worlds that only existed in my mind, making up stories and characters and interacting with them.
Summers between my college years, I finally did get to go to summer camp, but not as a camper. I spent two summers as a camp counselor and one as a unit director for five year olds at Camp Sandy Cove in Maryland. While this was fun, and one of the best learning experiences that prepared me for my teaching career, I still never got to be that “camper” I dreamed about as a child.
Now, as a grown-up, my dream finally comes true. This will be my third Cape Cod Writers Conference. It’s a week long “summer camp” for writers. 200 like-minded people taking courses, hearing some great inspirational speakers, and commiserating over lunches and dinners at the Resort and Conference Center in Hyannis. This year I’m taking Writing for Children all five days and Finding Agents and Publishers for two days. I also get to work the registration desk for a couple of the afternoons and have a writer friend from off-cape staying at my house.
I’m up early and ready to get started on my week. Bag packed with snacks, water, pens, pencils and paper, I can’t wait to meet my teacher and see what the first course is going to be about. I feel nine instead of fifty-nine. That inner-child is ever-present and still requires nurturing.
I believe we all have an inner-child that lives within and cries to ride a bike, swing on swing, slide down a huge slide, swim, camp, and play. Taking time to pay attention to that inner-child is one of the best stress relievers ever in our grown-up lives. Before the summer’s over, take some time to get in touch with that child you remember, and still lives within.
And so, as another day goes by, let summer camp 2012 begin, and….I have written.
August 5th, 2012 Some days are meant to be written and talked about, but some days are just meant to be lived and enjoyed. Today was one of the latter.
And so, as another day at Fenway goes by, such fun with hubby, daughter and her friend, and…I have written…just a little.
August 4th, 2012 If there is anything I hate, it’s clutter. My husband will attest to this. He always accuses me of throwing away the day’s paper before noon and says were lucky to have two kids – that I didn’t throw them away, too. When I redid all the rooms in our house, I emptied them and only brought back in what was absolutely necessary. When I clean, I quickly empty the rooms of anything that wasn’t in there when I did it over. Yes, clutter annoys me.
Last week I read about clutter, but not in a room; in the mind. The person told how every time she had a negative thought coming on, she said the word “clutter” and immediately began thinking of something else. It seemed to work for her, so I tested it out. The first place I tested it was yoga class. Thursday and Friday were both hot, humid days and I just knew my mind would start with its old tricks of telling my body it can’t do it – it’s too hot, it’s too tired, it’s not hydrated enough for this heat, blah, blah, blah. As soon as one of these thoughts popped up, I quickly said “clutter alert” and concentrated on my breathing, what the teacher was saying, or what my bog of the day was going to be about. I’m happy to report, it did work. I made it through both extremely hot, difficult classes without my body giving up.
Today I was a bit out of sorts thinking about some old demons. My mood began to slip. When my husband asked me if the heat was getting to me because I was pensive and quiet, I realized I was letting “clutter” rule. I quickly put out my “clutter alert”, made up a new cocktail consisting of Malibu and lime sparkling water, grabbed my book and retreated out here to the patio. Suddenly I was happily chatting away to my husband, feeling much better.
And so, as another day goes by, I can’t say for sure if it was the drink or the “clutter alert”, but either way – change your thoughts, change your mind comes through again, and….I have written.
De-cluttering….
August 3rd, 2012 I have read 4 books in the last 7 days and I feel like I’ve been living in many different worlds. Last night I started the new Emily Giffin novel,”Where We Belong”. I read until midnight in between watching the Olympics and have been riveted in my chair today with this book.
When I say riveted in my chair, I don’t mean because of suspense. “Where We Belong” is a family story filled with secrets and lies, anger and forgiveness. Reading it makes you stop and think where you came from and why you are like you are today. It showcases the common elements all families face, but the best thing is it gives you is the reassurance that no family is perfect and that is perfectly okay.
This book touches a cord within me because the root of my anxieties all my life was the need to be perfect, have the the perfect family and life. We all know that that is the impossible dream and this book allows me to take comfort in this.
Emily Giffin writes with delicate sensitivity and keeps me wanting to turn the pages (which is why I almost forgot this post today).
And so, as another day goes by, I must get back to the book because the end is only pages away, and…I have written.
|
|
