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August 2nd, 2012 When good things happen, we are filled with joy and run to God with praise and thanks. When bad things happen, we are filled with sadness and fear, and run to God begging for help. What about all the times “in between” the highs and lows of life? Do we run to God at all? Do we even remember He’s around?
One time in a bible study discussion a woman once asked, “Does God cry? Is He ever sad?” That day the pastor of the church sat with us and tried to answer some of these questions that often cross our minds. “Jesus wept” is written in the bible. I guess that means God does cry, just like we do. If He cries, He must also get sad over the things we do and don’t do.
Personally, I think it’s our “in between” times, where we neglect God, that makes Him sad. I think, in my own life anyway, that He has saved me from so many perils, answered so many prayers, and given me so many joyous moments, that He feels it’s about time I acknowledged Him for a few minutes each day, even in the “in between” times.
I’m in an “in between” time right now. Life is good. I tend daily to my finances, writing, business, and relationships. Nothing out of the ordinary is happening in any area now. There is no emergency to beg for help in. There is no extraordinary thing to cry with joy for. But there is the “normal”. My normal is asking my Lord for help with my itty-bitty daily tasks, no matter how small and giving thanks for my itty-bitty joys, like the beautiful sunflowers my daughter and her friends gave me over the weekend. I need guidance in paying the right bill at the right time, in sending the right email to the right person at precisely the right time, in writing the right words in my blog and books and saying positive things to those I’m with each day. I sit here with my tea and morning news and look at those sunflowers and give thanks for the wonderful weekend we had with those girls. This is my “in between” time.
Keeping in close touch with God in these “in between” times builds my faith stamina for the next high or low – especially for the low.
What is your “in between” time like? Do you share it with your Higher Power? It makes a difference. Kind of keeps faith linear and familiar.
And so, as another day goes by, I believe God gives us these “in between” times to let our faith set and cure, like a newly poured slab of cement, and ….I have written.
August 1st, 2012 Today was a busy day. Women’s bible study in the morning, dentist all afternoon, and 4 pm yoga. I even wore my yoga clothes to the dentist to make the 4 pm class. I ate a Nutra System lunch bar at noon and went on with the day. After the dentist I still had a few extra minutes so at 3:30 I decided I should stop home and eat something. I knew in my mind this is a no-no. Your supposed to eat light two hours before class. Two hours before class my mouth was full metal instruments – I don’t think that’s what they had in mind. I strictly adhere to that and I have never been sick in class. Until today. Poking about the frig, I spied a container of Banilla yogurt that my daughter left in there. There was only a few spoonfuls in the bottom of the container and I thought this would be perfect to get me through the class. Bad thought. Bad choice.
The yoga room was extra hot and extremely humid because sometime during my busy day, the humidity decided to return to Cape Cod. I sat on my mat for 10 minutes and was as wet as I normally am at the end of the warm-up series. The sweat was pouring off my head and face. This has never happened before. My stomach started to flip. Class started and I spent everything I had in the warm-up poses. The standing series required balancing on one foot in every pose. My stomach sickness made me dizzy. There’s no way to balance on one foot when the room is spinning. The teacher opened the window next to me, but that didn’t help. I spent most of the standing series sitting down, and finally, after triangle, I just laid down and kept my eyes closed to still the room. Once we began the floor series I was better, but had little strength.
This has to go on record as the worst class I ever had in my two years of practice. Why? Not the heat. Not the humidity. Not the teacher. Not the room. Why? Simple. Because I did not follow the procedure. When people who know what they are doing, give you a procedure to follow to keep yourself safe and comfortable, follow it. Food is not recommended thirty minutes before class. You can bet that’s one rule I’ll never mess with again – there are consequences.
And so, as another day goes by, today – I was my own worst enemy, tonight -rehydrating to come back and do it right tomorrow, and… I have written.
July 31st, 2012 I sit by my open back door, in the late afternoon with a slow steady rain making a hissing sound as it falls through the trees. I have just closed the cover of the first young adult novel I’ve read in many, many years. I sigh. I think “wow”. I didn’t have to be thirteen to identify, cry, and feel such pain right along with Salamanca Hiddle in “Walk Two Moons”. Sharon Creech weaves and crafts two stories that are really one in the most sensitive manner possible. For example:
via capecodchildrenswriters.com
July 30th, 2012 Danielle Steele, that is. For years my mom and I devoured Steele’s books. Then, in the last three years, spending time among writers and voracious readers, I heard it said about her books that they are flimsy, not well-written, she doesn’t write them herself, she writes so many she has a formula etc. During this time I also expanded my reading by belonging to a book club and listening to what others are reading. I read some very sophisticated “hard reads”, some very romantic quick reads, and all of the popular “everyone’s talking about it” or “there’s a movie” reads. I gave up Danielle Steele in favor of bumping up my reading choices to a higher quality. Or so I thought.
Today Danielle Steele was on The View promoting her newest “Friends Forever” and I just happened to catch it. She said some things that made me stop and rethink all the comments I’d heard about her work. First of all, she couldn’t believe they asked her if she writes her own books because today a lot of “authors” pitch a story idea and other people actually write the book. Of course she writes her own books – she still uses a typewriter that she bought umpteen years ago for $20. This is a woman that writes her own books. Next, she has nine children. Do you think she’d ever run out of material for story ideas? Then her best answer. The one that shows she is not a formula writer. They asked her about her writing process. She said, “It’s very simple. You put your butt in the chair and keep it there for a very long time.” EVERY writer knows this IS the writing process and it’s also the absolute very hardest thing to do. Next she told how her books are formed. She spends one year writing the idea, one year on the first draft, and one year editing. Well, if it takes her three years to write a book, this can’t be formula writing. But she has so many. How is this possible? She has five books going at one time. Five different story lines. No computer. A typewriter. And when she’s done, I buy her books, and I’ve never been disappointed. To me, each story is different and I see a writer that cared very much about all her characters. Her story lines speak to me. Yes, they are rapid reads, but they hit nerves.
Today my opinion about Danielle Steele books was changed – but this time by the author herself, not by the opinions of others. I should’ve known better than to drop her just because others have deemed her work inferior. I like Danielle Steele. I love her books. Time I made up my own mind. Only one problem – she probably put out ten books in the time I swore off her and now I have a lot of catching up to do.
And so, as another day goes by, Friends Forever will be my next download, I feel like I’m reacquainting with an old friend, and…I have written.
July 29th, 2012 The saga of the S’up continues. This morning at 10 am the sun was warm and prominent. I wandered out to the garden, where my husband was tying up tomato plants and told him I want to get the paddle board today. The girls were on board (no pun intended) and ready to do it. We climbed into the truck and went to pick it up. Let’s just say in the time it took to get it and take it down to the beach, the sun disappeared, the drizzle and wind moved in, and the waves started crashing. Not paddle board weather.
What a sight. Five girls, bundled in hoodies and wrapped in towels, sitting in beach chairs getting splattered with drizzle and whipped with wind, looking at the paddle board sitting on the sand in front of us. Sad.
What do you do in a situation like this? Make it funny. We decided to set the paddle board up on the sand and have a photo shoot while waiting for my husband to come pick it up. We laughed as each one of us took turns posing on the board that was sitting on the sand. Earlier I told my daughter I wanted to try doing a standing bow pose on it. Here was my chance. My studio had a summer photo contest where you post yourself doing your favorite pose out in nature. I don’t think anyone one did a pose on a paddle board. (No one said the board had to be in the water, although I did picture doing this on flat, calm water, a silhouette against a late afternoon sun.)
Instead I’m on sand, dressed in a hoodie, with wind attacking my balance and waves crashing behind me. The girls posed huddled in front of the board wrapped in their towels and Ashley’s friend Jenna posed with her head and shoulders bowed down, portraying our sadness. After the shoot, we carried the board to the truck and went home. We took the board back and I told the girl how hard I tried to make this work – by now she n I are buddies – and convinced her to give me a raincheck because I will actually do this before the summer ends. I just don’t want to pay for it again.
We spent the afternoon cuddled up with good books, the Olympics, awesome food, and lots of laughs over our photos. We rebounded well.
And so, as another day goes by, one of the happiest moments ever is when you let go of what you can’t change, and…I have written.
July 28th, 2012 Today my girls and their friends were here and a beach day and a paddle board were on the docket. One thing that wasn’t on the docket was the overcast weather. Even though it was muggy, storms threatened at every hour and due to the absence of sun, we rescheduled the paddle boarding for tomorrow. We are also hoping the weather reschedules itself for tomorrow, too.
So..not a beach day. The girls went anyway, packing books and drinks. I got ready to follow them when my dear friend’s latest Facebook post popped up:
“Olympics!!!…Lazy Saturday…much needed & I know thoroughly enjoyed…have a lovely day everyone!”
Hmmm….it’s a lot of work to pack up for the beach just to possibly be chased home by a thunderstorm. I went out to the back patio, my husband brought me a glass of chilled sangria, I’m totally immersed in “Gone Girl” since yesterday – suddenly my friend’s idea for today seems enticing. Just stay here, forgo the beach, sip sangria, music in the background, book on my lap, husband near and cooking away….somehow I didn’t think paddle boarding was meant for me today.
What do you do when things don’t go according to plan? What do you do when you just don’t get what you want? Those are loaded questions for a type A, planner and control freak like me. I’m not used to the word no, but on the other hand I’m always quick to abandon plan A and switch gears, as long as everybody’s happy.
These last few years I’ve learned to relax and just let things flow and happen as they go along. If it’s in line with my planning and thinking, great. If not, great, too, because there’s something unknown and new that I get to experience and learn.
And so, as another day goes by, Cervantes has a point, and…I have written.
July 27th, 2012 This morning I was getting ready to leave for yoga and my daughter was sitting in the couch. She was complaining about some ailment and I told her to come to yoga. She just glared at me. Then I told her Meg (studio owner) asked me why she wasn’t coming this week. She glared at me over her coffee cup and said, “Tell Meg I said you are a yoga bully.”
I, myself, had thought twice about going this morning because I had a headache. Instead of giving into the headache, I decided to put the yoga to the test. I arrived and went to sit in the hot room for ten minutes before class. By the time class started, the headache was gone. I really didn’t expect it to go away before I even did anything, but it did.
And so, as another day goes by, I’m glad the yoga took the headache away before the girls arrived for the weekend, and…I have written.
July 26th, 2012 Yoga connects the mind with the body. Stress causes many physical problems and diseases. These have been the adages over the recent years. While I fully believe this, I never really knew just how it worked – until today.
Today in yoga class the teacher said something that caused another ah…ha moment and gave me the answer. She said, “What the mind says, the body hears.” Soooo….the body is like a little kid that has to be shielded from the harmful things the mind says. Or we need to stop our minds from saying negative, stressful things in the first place.
What we do in our minds either causes us to be healthy, happy and strong or sick, sad, depressed, and weak. This would mean that by paying attention to healthy spiritual development we can increase the health of our bodies. I truly believe this.
All my life I’ve been a happy, optimistic person by nature and it’s only with these recent findings that I look back on my life, and my nature, and realize that the way I’ve approached all aspects of living for 59 years has a tremendous effect on my physical health today. During my difficulties this past year I was fully aware of this. I remember thinking that I must get a handle on the anxiety and depression before it begins to affect my physical health and ruin my great track record. 59 is no time to start letting my mind wreak havoc on my body, because you know my motto – “I only have one body and if I don’t take care of it, where will I live?”
Morning prayer and meditative readings, morning pages, this blog, and Bikram yoga all contribute to the development of my spirit, which in turn keeps my body strong and healthy. I believe the the mind needs as much good food and exercise as does the physical body. To keep from getting sick or afflicted with disease, I mean to keep a handle on this monkey mind of mine.
And so, as another day goes by, change your mind, change your body, change your life – not just hype, and…I have written.
July 25th, 2012 Today was a busy day. My daughter arrived late last night and she still hasn’t seen me. When she called to say she was coming early, she told me not to worry about my “prayer ladies” and my “writing ladies” and my yoga. She said to just go about my business and she’ll be fine. So this morning I went to Bible study, left before she got up. This afternoon I went to yoga while she was at the beach. And tonight I flew in from yoga and flew out to my writing group, quickly passing her on the couch. I just got home about 9:30pm and asked her how she liked her day alone on the cape.
Before beginning my busy day, this quote flew across my email:
“Life excites me – just little, normal everyday things. Getting out of bed. Getting dressed. Making food. I find it all exciting.” ~ Liv Tyler
I liked beginning my day with that thought. When I feel less than my best, I’m going to try that. Get excited about the very littlest things in my everyday life. I liked it so much, I thought, why save it for when I feel bad? Why not start today? And the surprising thing was that I remembered it throughout my busy day. I found myself arriving home appreciating night time along 6A, with the signs and twinkly lights. Other things that excited me today were:
-how much I enjoy shifting my standard car
-the smell of the coffee when I opened the church door at bible study
-the huge crowd we had there today
-my mid-day news and newspaper
-the way my sandals did their familiar clip-clip up the wooden steps of the yoga studio
-the familiar smell as I entered the hot room (some don’t find it pleasant, but to me it’s a security)
-being surprised that Shirley was my teacher
-my outside shower
-the smell of coconut body spray
-the softness of what my daughters call my “flash dance” shirt
-my writing group and the stories they’re writing
-my driveway at the end of a long day
-Fage Greek yogurt
-a tomato grown on my patio
-my DVR’d Big Brother
-my pillow
-the smell of the marsh at low tide coming in my window
-the soft glow of my nightlight
None of these things are extraordinary (except maybe Shirley, my “prayer ladies” and my writing group – to me, they are quite exceptional). The rest are small, tiny things that just make me feel secure in the familiarity of my world. I find being content and secure in one’s world a thing to be excited about.
One more thing I just found exciting today was how quickly a live Comcast person answered the phone and fixed the tv in my daughter’s room at 10:52 at night.
And so, as another day goes by, right now sleep is pretty exciting, too, and….I have written.
July 24th, 2012 Yesterday’s class went well, even though it wiped me out afterward. Today’s class not only wiped me out, it did not go well. In fact, it didn’t even come close to going well. The only part that went well was the warm up. I felt strong and really able during the warm up poses. Eagle was amazing. I usually have to concentrate on stillness during eagle just to hold it the whole time. Today my abs kicked in, supported my back, and I even looked different in the mirror. I wasn’t trying to do any of that. When I set out to class this morning I was having a serious intention-setting talk with myself as it was already 88 degrees out and the humidity was out of sight. I told myself just move slow and gentle and breath normally. We weren’t trying for anything today. The mission was to conquer the class despite the weather. Upon entering the room and sitting on my mat for awhile, I restated these intentions with others as they, too, walked in and remarked how hot it was today. So you can see why the incredible things I did during warm up took me by surprise.
But that was the end of it. I was kneeling for at least one set of each balancing pose because the dizziness was so bad I was afraid of crashing into the wall. I actually laid down for the second set of triangle. I haven’t laid down in a class in two years. I was shocked I had to do it, but I didn’t get upset. I just took care of myself the best I could. Who was I kidding that this class, in this humidity today, was actually going to be okay?
I totally spent all I had during the warm ups. Every drop of hydration, every electrolyte I managed to bring with me, gone, well before the standing series even began. Though I wasn’t upset with myself, I was dumbfounded. Now, thinking back to the incredible things my abs did in the warm up – I’m thinking – could it really be time? Really be time that the process is going to finally begin working in the ab area? If this is it, it’d be like Xmas to me because I’ve waited almost two years for this yoga to get around to that area of my body. It had already gone through and firmed and toned every other muscle in my body over the course of the last 23 months, and I felt it, and later saw it, work and transform each and every one. I’ve got great legs, butt, arms, shoulders and back. But I look down at that stomach and for months realize all the extra mass the yoga was getting rid of was being moved right there. A long time ago I read that Bikram takes months to move the mass around your body until it all gets where it belongs, and only then does it begin discarding what your body doesn’t need.
Having lunch with a yoga buddy yesterday, we were discussing that this is a practice, a form of exercise, that was never going to be “done”. Our bodies are so different in each class and the yoga knows exactly where to zero in. If I had quit, or not done this so consistently, I would never be able to support that statement.
Remembering back over the last two years, I do recall that when the yoga was moving on to attack a new group of muscles, I had some rough classes while the transition was being made. So could this really be it? Could we, my dear yoga practice, could we finally be moving to clean up the ab area? If so, I’m in. Push me, kill me, mangle me, wear me out – anything – just as long as you finally move the puddle in my middle that drives me crazy. Suddenly, I can’t wait to go to class tomorrow. I have a new mission.
It never ceases to amaze me that the things that knock us on our ass, take every last bit of our strength, and make us mad are the very things we need to move to a new level of growing and changing. It’s really about way more than moving that puddle in my middle. (Although I’m not opposed to it.)
And so, as another day goes by, another loose screw in my head is being tightened, body, mind, and spirit are once again on the move, and…I have written.
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