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March 15th, 2012 What will make you happy? A new car? More money? A career change? A new relationship? A new house? The answer is none of these. There is a prerequisite before you can make your “If only I had this I would be happy” list. The prerequisite is you must be happy before any of these things can make you happy. I came across this paradox in my morning meditation. It went something like this:
“The reality of experiencing what I wanted was always different than the way I imagined it would feel. Reality was more of a struggle than the utopia I pictured in my dreams. And getting what I wanted never made me happy unless I was already happy first.” ~ Melody Beattie
I can identify with this, and maybe you can too. On a low day did you ever think “I need to buy myself something to make myself feel better?” After an expensive afternoon at the mall, you felt better, but how long did the good feeling last? Only as long as the dopamine stayed in your bloodstream, and within a few days, or even hours, the purchases had little effect on your down mood, but your credit card was now suffering right along with you.
I have refrained from shopping to make myself feel better. I find that when I shop for something I actually need to wear to a particular event or for a certain season, when I find it, the joy it brings me lasts well into the many times I get to wear it. I was happy and excited before I bought it. The good mood was already in me before I set out for that thing I needed.
Shopping is a concrete example for the more abstract times in life. If we find ourselves in a state of longing, maybe we should take an inventory. Am I happy setting out on this endeavor or am I doing it to make myself happy? I think Beattie has a point. Sometimes when we get that thing we thought was going to make our world all right again, we find it’s not all it was cracked up to be or we don’t really want it after all. We get so caught up in the chase that we forget to realize the responsibility that might come with it. Sometimes we lose complete sight of our goal and end up chasing the “happy feeling”.
And so, as another day goes by,
I just remembered we’re going out Saturday night…
It’s St. Patty’s Day…
I need some holiday garb….
I hear the mall calling…
Wait…I’m happy about Saturday night…
So……bye, I gotta go, and …I have written.
March 14th, 2012 This morning at my women’s bible study I was sitting in the second row of chairs. I was wearing a wrist watch that had a silver face and numbers. When my head was bowed in prayer, I noticed the face of my watch. It was magenta pink. I lifted my eyes to see that it was reflecting off the bright pink top of the woman in the chair in front of me. If I turned my wrist up toward the ceiling, the face of the watch was silver again. If I turned it toward myself, it became a beautiful turquoise color, reflecting off of my sweater. It’s true silver color was only shown if it was facing up, if it was turned any other way it was falsely colored. Even though the colors were beautiful, they were not real and disappeared quickly.
This reminded me of how many times we forget to turn our face “up” where we know we can find the only true help, answers, and peace we seek. Often we look first to this person and then to that one for help. Their advice appears to help a bit, only to fade quickly and we’re searching again. When we look “up” the true light shines on our face, as it did on my watch. My watch just became a new touchstone.
There’s a great song by Casting Crowns called Praise You In This Storm. I have two favorite parts in it. It begins by saying:
“I was sure by now, that you would have reached down and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day,
But once again, I say amen and it’s still rainin’.
But as the thunder rolls, I hear you whisper through the rain “I’m still with you….”
Then near the end it says:
“I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord…”
Great song and so worth the $1.29. Both the song and the watch serve to remind me where “my help comes from” and which way faces ought to face.
And so, as another day goes by, I learn how to face my days, and…I have written.
Below:
Photo taken last week in Falmouth. I was having a great beach walk with my author friend Joan, and I’m glad I looked up!
March 13th, 2012 Appreciation is the only word I can come up with to describe today. I had a beautiful ride from NY back to Cape Cod. The weather was warm, the traffic was sparse, and the music was inspiring. Upon arriving home, after awhile I began to realize the house was extra cold. I went down to check the furnace, and sure enough it was blinking an error message. I called the guy and he came and fixed it in twenty minutes – at 4pm no less. Tell me that right there isn’t enough to make appreciation the word of the day.
Sorting through some mail I found a catalog for a local jeweler. In it was a picture of a “wave” necklace my husband gave me before I retired. I wore that necklace everyday in anticipation of my life by the sea. Over the last three years many other necklaces replaced it. I usually use necklaces like touchstones – whatever I wear it’s usually to remind me of something or someone. I’ve been on a journey this past year that took me “away” in my mind from my ocean life. Today when I saw the picture of that necklace, I went upstairs to find it. I wanted to get back to my “ocean” life. I wanted to put things I’ve been preoccupied with this past year behind me, finally, and take a new look at the things that surround me here. I put on the necklace and left for yoga.
It was a perfect yoga class. Favorite teacher, perfect room, perfect breathing, lots of energy, and, in savasana, I took the whole twenty seconds each time to notice the necklace and appreciate what it stood for. Perfect peace.
Driving home I felt another defining moment had just taken place. I moved another giant step forward in the healing process. I feel like I dropped almost the last of the baggage left over from 2011. And, while tonight this is a great feeling, it’s tomorrow and the days following that will tell for sure. I’ve done this before. Felt a defining step forward, only to stumble a few steps backward, so I’ve learned not to get too excited in these moments of perfect peace. It usually doesn’t last, but it leaves it’s mark. That’s where the necklace will matter. I’ll see it and touch it and remember the moments I experienced tonight and let the present keep me here, in the present.
And so, as another day goes by, I appreciate touchstones, great weather, perfect breath, and prompt service, and…I have written.
March 12th, 2012 Yesterday the family got together to celebrate our dad’s 80th birthday. There are 18 of us, so a family gathering is always a party. My sister remarks how quick this year is going by. I chime in with how it’s half way through March of the new year already. My youngest brother says, “Time moves so fast. Why is it that as you get older, time moves faster?”
My husband says, “Huh, if you listen to my wife and how she keeps time, it’s already summer.” My sister new exactly how I think. Right away we both put the whole year behind us in less than a minute. It goes like this:
It’s already half-way through March, so it’s almost Easter, since it’s almost Easter the school year is almost over, which means its actually the Fourth of July. Since it’s the Fourth of July, summer is almost gone and it’s Labor Day. Well now if it’s Labor Day, Halloween is just around the corner and we all know what that means – suddenly it’s Thanksgiving. At this point my sister shouts, “Oh no! I have to start my Xmas shopping tomorrow!” We all dissolved into laughter and promptly hit the buffet table.
I have always counted time like that. Even the night before while at our friends house, I made everyone get out their calendars and plan Fourth of July week because, according to my time thinking, it’s almost here. I am the great anticipator, the planner, the organizer, etc. I love looking forward to things. It’s my glass half full attitude. It’s the way I practice hope. It’s also why I had to write Friday’s post about stopping to let the benefits of one thing sink in before moving on to another. Once again balance comes into play and the best of both worlds are needed. Time is needed to reap the benefits, but time of anticipation is needed too, affording both growth and hope.
And so, as another day goes by, Xmas is coming soon (in my head anyway), and …I have written.
March 11th, 2012 Such a great time! Realizing how time does fly! Will post whole story tomorrow. Tonight…just appreciate life as it is!
And so, as another day goes by, I love and appreciate my family, and…I have written.
March 10th, 2012 “Lie still in savasana. This is where you get the benefits of the pose!”
How many times in the last 19 months of yoga have I heard that statement? At least once a day. I’m still not good at being still. My body is deceiving because I can lie there without moving a muscle. It’s my mind that refuses to be reigned in. I want the twenty seconds to hurry up and pass so I can get right into the next pose. My thinking is “Let’s get this workout done so I can feel good and get on with life.” But did I really get the workout that is supposed to make me feel good? Or did I skip the most important part – the part that held the benefits?
I have a blogger friend who made me laugh so hard with a Facebook post last week. She is a business owner and is constantly busy traipsing the country. She went to visit her sister and her sister said to her, “Don’t you ever stop and smell the roses?”
My friend, still so preoccupied with business at hand said, “Oh! You sent roses? I’m sorry! I must’ve missed them. Where are they? I’ll smell them now.” She really thought her sister was talking about real flowers. At the end of her post was a note to herself: Get a life.
How much do we really miss by always wanting to hurry up and move onto the next thing? Sure, what I’m doing now is nice, but what’s next? The benefits. The benefits are not found in anticipating the next thing on our list. My life needs more savasanas. Today I’m in NY and not going to yoga, but I am going to dinner with friends we haven’t seen in a long time and tomorrow is my father’s 80th birthday and will be spent with family. I will make an extra effort to “savasana” in between the two.
This morning I just had a wonderful gym workout. After my stretching at the end of it I did something I never do (the free coffee on the counter is always calling me.) I laid out the towel on the mat and spent an extra song on a savasana – just letting my mind and body take in the workout. While putting on my coat to leave the gym, I have to say, that workout was just a bit more special than usual. The coffee afterward tasted better, too.
When “the benefits” of what you’ve done are allowed to seep into the mind and bones, true change takes place. If we keep skipping the “savasanas”, it’s no wonder we fear change and then change, when it finally does happen, is so slow to take effect.
And so, as another day goes by, I will make an effort to add more “savasanas” to my days, and….I have written.
March 9th, 2012 Currently I’m reading a new series by Karen Kingsbury. The book I’m starting with is called “Leaving”. The title intrigued me do to my recent battle overcoming loss. In this book, a young man had a challenging job offer put before him. After the interview, walking out to the car, he’d all but decided to decline the job. It was a combination teaching/coaching job in a rural school district. He would be an assistant coach to an incorrigible, negative man who belittled the kids. The young man didn’t want anything to do with this job, until upon leaving the school he saw a kid running pass plays on the football field all by himself, in the snow, after the practice ended. The boy asked him if he was the new assistant coach. Something inside him made him answer yes.
Did you ever feel called to get involved in something you absolutely wanted to walk away from because you knew it was going to be a hard road? Maybe your friends all advised you to walk away, too? Maybe you felt so under qualified and overwhelmed? Then something deep inside, or a whisper in your ear, or a hand on your shoulder laid it upon your heart that you should do it. Sometimes you even walk away two or three times, but in the end you say yes.
I’ve been there a few times. I’m there now. Write a children’s book. Get it published. Take it around and present it in schools.
But Lord, I don’t know how to write a book.
Write it.
But Lord, self-publishing a picture book not only costs a fortune, I haven’t a clue how to go about it.
Write it.
But Lord, it’s a huge undertaking, maybe even beyond me, even though I’m passionate about the message for children, I still feel so inadequate.
Write it.
As each day goes by this project gets more real. As each day goes by I get more scared that I’ll fail. Today’s news had a great story about the young lady who invented Spanx, Sara Blakely. Her father used to ask her and her brother at the dinner table what they failed at each day, then high five them for at least trying. This changed her whole mindset about failure. Failure, to Sara, meant not trying. All the setbacks along the way was the best part. The journey was what made life, life. In other words, for Sara and her brother, impossible is just a word for not trying.
This day has been full of whispers slamming my angst. I guess I’ll finish the final rewriting of the book, and leave the publishing and the project of taking it on the road to God.
And so, as another day goes by, my “yes” is on the table, and…I have written.
~ from “Leaving”, by Karen Kingsbury…
March 8th, 2012 The story here on Cape Cod today is the extreme wind gusts. The temperature was warm, over 60 degrees, but so were the wind gusts over 60, wreaking havoc around the yard. I just got done chasing my grill cover around the neighborhood and then had the car door slammed on my leg while I was vacuuming it.
When I finished with the car, I decided to brave the wind and take a walk. The weather was so warm I just couldn’t stay inside. I made my way down our road, toward 6A battling the wind all the way. On the way back, the wind was behind me. I would be walking along when a monster gust came up and actually pushed me for a few steps, then left me on my own again. A few more steps, then another gust rushes in to help me along my way. This continued all the way home.
Such is the pattern and rhythm of our lives. We face a headwind. We push hard against it, becoming weary. We learn to turn away from it. We take a few fateful steps and get tired. God shows up just in time to give us the push we need, taking the pressure off of us for a bit, before setting us back on our path again.
Today the windy walk reminded me I don’t walk alone. God showed up in a wind gust to let me know He’s always there to carry my stuff and give me a brief respite when my steps grow weary.
And so, as another day goes by, God whispers in the wind, and ….I have written.
March 7th, 2012 Life is speckled with defining moments that stand out when you turn and look back at the road you traveled. Usually the defining moment contained a choice you must make, and after making that choice your life is different in some way.
A defining moment for me that comes to mind is the day I pushed the publish button for this blog to go live. Since that day my writing journey went from stagnant to vibrant. In my women’s bible study group we are doing Andy Stanley’s video series on Defining Moments. The first three lessons are dealing with finances. The gist being “does your money own you?”. I’ve been having a hard time tuning in because I never pay much attention to my money. I never took a job for the amount of money I’d make or did a passionate project to make money. I kept thinking these lessons just don’t apply to me. Money is just not what drives anything I do. I firmly believe God gives me exactly what my family needs, always has, always will, and I don’t have to be occupied with thinking how I can go out and get more and more of it. (In an earlier blog I told you how God already settled lottery winning with me so that’s a non-issue.)
The question posed in our discussion group today was “Did you ever have a defining moment in your finances?”. I was sitting there thinking how this really doesn’t apply to me because I don’t pay attention to my finances……ah…there it is. I’m supposed to pay better attention to my finances. There are better ways I can save and give and pay my bills if I just take the the time and….the….self-discipline to sit down with my budget and work it instead of just haphazardly paying whatever’s due next.
Today I learned that God wastes no opportunity. God wastes no experience. God wastes no video or discussion question. Many times I brush things aside because I think they don’t apply directly to me and I’m anxious to move on to something that does. I need to patiently pay closer attention to things that cross my path and seem unrelated to me. God wastes nothing. There’s always a treasure or a lesson or a message in all He throws down in front of me. I’d say this is a defining moment.
And so, as another day goes by, sometimes it’s better to go splashing right through the puddle rather than skirting around it, and….I have written.
March 6th, 2012 Years ago I began to take notice of the movement of the stock market every morning in the news. If it moved very little, I started my day feeling secure. (Mind you I didn’t have any money invested in it and even if I did, I didn’t understand how it worked), but if the market made a huge jump, I felt happier. If it made a huge fall, I felt fearful. For some reason I thought the state of the stock market indicated the level of security I felt in my world. I would almost urge that market to creep upward everyday to make me feel better.
Then one day I realized something. The stock market cannot keep going upward everyday. Nothing keeps moving in an upward direction, without retreating and then moving upward again. I finally relaxed and didn’t let a fall in the Dow insight fear in my heart and my day. I finally understood what was meant by winning in the market only if you stayed in it for the long haul. In the years since I have been paying attention to it I’ve seen it go from 12,000 down to 8. I’ve seen it rise from 8,000 back up to twelve. You can only imagine my joy I felt last week when it 13,000 for the first time since I’ve been watching it. Today it fell over 200. In the past a fluctuation like that would have scared me. Not anymore. Since finally realizing it can keep going in an upward direction forever, even that day it fell 600 points I stayed pretty calm.
Spending all this time studying a market that was only measuring fear and security, and not a penny of my money, caused me to look around at the rest of how life mimics the stock market. Winter doesn’t keep getting colder. It eventually turns to summer. Summer doesn’t keep getting hotter. It eventually turns to spring. The perilous times in life eventually turn to joyful times. Joyful times eventually turn back into perilous times. Nothing stays the same. Nothing, like the market, keeps moving in one direction forever. Everything moves in a cycle – back and forth, up and down, positive to negative.
Now when I struggle with difficulties life presents, I find security in what learned from the market. How funny is it that I spent years learning this in the stock market and forgot God wrote it down for us in Ecclesiastes 3:1,15.
“A Time For Everything. For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven…..What is happening now, has happened before, and what will happen in the future has happened before, because God makes the same things happen over and over again.”
So now, when trouble comes, I try to remember: everything works out in the end, and if it hasn’t worked out yet, then it isn’t the end.
And so, as another day goes by, I have become aware that all of life moves in a cycle, and…I have written.
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