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November 26th, 2011 Thursday night I posted about the Lady G Thanksgiving special on Facebook. A mom of one my former kindergarten students, who is now a teenager, commented that she didn’t get Lady G, but her son, whom I always call “my Michael”, explained it to her and she got it. She sat down with her teenage son and listened seriously to something he cared about. This doesn’t happen near enough between parents and their teens today. And that is what Lady G is all about.
She decided at 7 she was going to be famous. By age 11 she already knew she could sing and write- she just had to figure out how to get herself out there. She studied “the fame” and here we are today. How is that possible?
If you watched the special Thursday night (she produced it all herself), one message stands out. Family. The quality education her parents provided left her knowledgeable in many areas, including history and art. She has a wealth of material to draw upon to use in her music for symbolism. She knows a lot about a lot of stuff. Many of her songs are about her family members and the impact they have had on her life. During Edge of Glory she stopped to talk about writing this song about her grandfather and remembered how they made the Italian cookies (pizzelles) every holiday. She has a strong religious base – “the three men I serve my whole life are my daddy, Nebraska (close long time friend) and Jesus Christ”. She had parents who supported her uniqueness (Born This Way) and encouraged her music talent and provided every avenue she needed to be well-schooled to fully develop her skills. She was bullied for being different in high school, but because of her strong family background she took it and made a mission statement out of it and built her “fame” on acceptance and tolerance.
Yes, Lady Gaga (aka Stephanie Germanotta) is an enigma. My Michael is also an enigma. As young as five years old, his parents and I would marvel at the things he came up with. His view of the world was always a little deeper and a little different than most kids his age, but he never strayed from the things he believed in. Michael also has a huge heart that even today, as a teenager, loves, accepts , and empathizes with those who are just a bit different or less fortunate. Michael also has strong family support for whomever he chooses to become in life. Michael and Lady G have a lot in common – including the message in her song “Hair” – I just wanna be myself and I want you to love me for who I am…..” They both touch a lot of lives, including mine.
For a young person to make it in this world today, it takes a strong support system. If you have a strong family that you love and made you who you are today, be thankful. And if you know someone that is not that fortunate, maybe you could share yours. I know both Lady G and my Michael certainly would.
And so, as another day goes by, I give thanks for artists like Lady G and students like Michael that have touched and enriched my life, and ….I have written.
November 25th, 2011 A day at the NY apartment with my girls. Jammies all day. The morning news was quickly changed to VH 1. Boston daughter made breakfast quiches and we spent the better part of the morning discussing music and artists. Around noon we took a break. The girls walked over to visit grandpa and left me to my favorite soap opera. When they returned we embarked on a Millionaires Club marathon on Bravo, sipping wine, for the better part of the afternoon.
All this time my husband was behind us cooking Thanksgiving dinner #2. (He had headphones in because he couldn’t take the show) We switched the wine from red to white, grandpa is joining us for dinner, and all is right in my world tonight.
And so, as another day goes by, pop culture brings a family together, connections have been reconnected, I couldn’t be more thankful on this day after the thanking day, and…I have written.
November 24th, 2011 Yesterday I reflected on the holiday…today I just want to relax and bask in the things I’m thankful for. One of them is you, my dear readers. Relax and enjoy your special moments today.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.
And so, as yet another Thanksgiving goes by, open the bottle and Relax, and …. I have written.
November 23rd, 2011 I heard the rain pounding on the roof at 5 am even before I opened my eyes. I kind of smiled to myself as a song lyric floated through my mind:
“Grace, like rain falls down on me.”
It’s from the song Grace Like Rain by Todd Agnew. The song is a cool rendition of Amazing Grace that I heard the other day. I’m glad the morning rain brought it back to mind, on this busy day. Yoga, then off to Boston to pick up Boston daughter and then head to NY for the holiday weekend with the family. I cannot believe I’m going to be driving in Boston traffic at rush hour on the day before Thanksgiving. I’m going to need an amazing amount of amazing grace tonight.
I’m sure you have your holiday rush in full gear by now, too. This is my favorite holiday. Giving gratitude. One of my five major lessons I’ve learned this year. In our rush, crush, of traffic and shopping let us not lose sight of all we have to give gratitude for. I’ve heard it said that the more we give gratitude, the more we will be given. This held true for me this past year. I have miracles both big and small to cherish and hold close, I have friends that I will never be able to thank enough for standing by me when I was literally crazy, I have a family that is safe and intact, and I have a closer relationship with God that was home grown by His very own hand in my life for eleven months. A girl couldn’t ask for more on this holiday.
And so, as another holiday is about to go by, time to jump in the car and sing “Hallelujah, grace like rain, falls down on me”, and….I have written.
November 22nd, 2011 Today I came across this quote:
“No pressure, no diamonds.” ~ Mary Case
At first I though hmmmm….but then it just reminded me of a successful black Friday.
And so, as another day goes by, let the holiday season begin, and..I have written.
November 21st, 2011 Yes, try it. Push God to His limit. I did. Last winter there was a prayer I wanted answered so bad I was relentless. Kicking and screaming at God and calling Him every name except God. I was so bad that for three months He had to deem me immobile and “handcuff” me until I stopped the frantic kicking and screaming. It took three whole months.
Finally God looked at me and said, “If I take the cuffs off will you remain still?” I humbly nodded. I spent the next three months practicing stillness when the war began raging inside me. I worked really, really hard. At the end of three months, I ran up to God and told Him I was ready. He could answer my prayer any day now. Nothing. I told Him again and again – I’m ready. My voice toward heaven getting louder each time. Finally He said, “No, you’re not.” I still insisted I was.
” But God, I…”
“No, you’re not ready”.
“Yes! I am! I worked and worked and worked!”
“No, you’re not ready.”
“Look God, I’m ready and nothing you say can convince me otherwise.”
“Fine. Prayer answered.”
The second day of the 7th month God answered my prayer. It was almost too much for me to take. (That should’ve been a clue right there.) It didn’t take me three weeks to completely mess it up and by the end of the 8th month find myself broken, empty handed and back to square one. I went to sit with God and eat loads of humble pie.
But God didn’t say “I told you so” like I expected Him to. He just picked me up and said, “Here’s the plan.” I spent the 9th month reviewing the five lessons I worked so hard to learn the first six months. Then in the 10th month God threw every gauntlet possible at me – things I couldn’t face back in the first six months – and I had to use my new skills to handle them. I did it. The lessons were now part of me. I internalized them and I also knew better than to go running back to God, telling Him I’m ready to have my prayer answered again. That proved to myself I “learned my lessons well”.
This month God “handcuffed” me again. I had to remain quiet and just listen. I couldn’t beg for things in prayer. I just had to ask God to be with my loved ones – no petitions. I tried the “But God, what about such n such” again and again, but got the same answer every time for the first two weeks of November – listen.
These last two weeks I continued to spend listening. Being still. Letting God work. Through these last two weeks I learned true surrender. Only – and I mean only, when I was able to give God full reign and let go completely (which happened in my heart last Thursday) my world changed. All day Thursday I felt light, free, and my world had color again. I remember coming down the stairs that morning “pain free” because I no longer owned the problem anymore. I didn’t have to worry about things I did or what others were thinking. I didn’t have to do anything anymore. Most of all – I didn’t have to fear the future anymore as I had for 300 some days.
Then ….on Friday…when I least expected it, late in the stillness of the night, without me asking and begging, God answered my prayer. And it was the right time. Instead of it being “too much for me”, it was very peaceful. It was the right time. It was God’s time. I came down the downside of the beach path and found myself safe on the shoreline. Ready this time. Ready to end the year with December’s charge of shedding the last of what’s left of me that is no longer needed. Ready to begin the building back up process required in 2012. Ready to do it right – as a person made new. Ready to wait on God for the next steps. Ready to pray in a new way.
And now, with holidays upon me, I have much to be thankful for – pain included – for it was pain of being bent and honed in the fire that I am able to emerge truly changed for the better. Yes, I pushed the envelope with God once, and I wouldn’t advise trying it. Tis better to rest in Him and…just listen.
And so, as another day goes by, I will continue to sit quiet and listen, but now I’ll do it with peace, freedom, gratitude, and total surrender, and …I have written.
November 20th, 2011 I thought I had that question answered in my tag line, until today. I really thought I’ve been blogging just to not let another day go by without writing, and then I came across this:
“Everyday, give yourself a good mental shampoo.” ~ Dr. Sara Jordan
That’s the real reason. That’s what writing this blog does – gives me a good mental shampoo everyday. All the thoughts that clog my thinking get laid out here, in this blog. I can set them out, one by one, smoothing out the wrinkles, sorting them, lining them up and eventually stringing them together to form a concept.
I pondered just what would happen in my mind if I suddenly stopped blogging. I fear a huge mental traffic jam. After a solid year of blogging everyday, this blog has become a trusted friend that holds all my inner musings in an orderly manner. It’s comforting to have all my thoughts held in a place where they are all categorized by month and topic. Many times I remember writing about something and need to revisit it. This blog makes it so easy to go back in time and pull out the thought, many times complete with a photo. I cannot imagine trying to store all these thoughts from a whole year in a brain that can’t even remember what I ate for breakfast. What a relief to know I don’t have to carry around the essence of who I am in an already too busy mind.
I do love the idea of “a mental shampoo”. Thank you, Dr. Sara Jordan, whoever you are.
And so, as another day goes by, my brain is once again squeaky clean, ready for the new ideas tomorrow will bring, and…I have written.
November 19th, 2011 You know the feeling. Open up your inbox and it’s flooded with email chain letter prayers and photos that if you send to six people your prayers will be answered. I know it’s the new age of technology, but the way to talk to God and have Him move and work in my life is not through email chain letters. Sending it to six people isn’t going to change my situation if it isn’t God’s will for me.
Email chain letters may not work, but this does. Read it. Surrender. And be still. And you don’t have to send it to a single person. Just take it into your own heart.
This is the rest of the piece that I shared parts of with you yesterday that my friend gave me, (written on a real piece of paper that I could fold and put in my jacket pocket).
BE AT PEACE
Do not look forward in fear
to the changes in life;
rather look to them with full
hope as they arise, God,
whose very own you are,
will lead you safely through all things;
and when you cannot stand it,
God will carry you in His arms.
Do not fear what may or may not
happen tomorrow;
the same everlasting Father
who cares for you today will take
care of you then and everyday.
He will either shield you from suffering,
or will give you unfailing strength to bear it.
Be at peace and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations.
St. Francis de Sales
I don’t know who St. Francis de Sales is or where my friend got this from. There was no other annotation on the page. All I know is that as soon as I “put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations”, things changed like the flip of a light switch. Total surrender gives God free reign to work in my life and do it His way. And I didn’t have to send it six other people for Him to do it, because God doesn’t bargain – He just simply works when I stand with my arms at my side and look up.
And so, as another day goes by, it’s still November , I still have to just listen, and….I have written.
November 18th, 2011 What do you do when you have unresolved issues? Isn’t the answer obvious? Resolve them. I am a “fixer”. I dedicate my time to keeping all aspects of my life in order. Usually when one fire is put out, it isn’t very long until another crops up and I’m at it again. Being a mom, a teacher, and a wife for so many years, that is what’s required in each role. That is what I’ve grown up wired to do. Then one day an issue arises that there is no resolution to. I refuse to accept that. I don’t like having a rift in one part of my life. My ducks aren’t in a neat row.
Today in yoga class the instructor marched up to the podium and announced, “Today is about living with unresolved issues.” She then went on to to say in yoga you will never have perfect poses. Everyday will be different. Some days some poses will be effortless. Another day those same poses will be difficult. Yet other poses will be lifelong work. Relax. Let them lie. Sometimes we have to learn to live with unresolved issues.
What? This was a new concept to me. Let unresolved issues lie? Learn to live with them? At the end of class she read a passage about doing just that.
“Sometimes we need to live for a while with a particular behavior, problem, or situation before we’re ready to change it.
Sometimes we have to live with it so long – conscious that it’s a problem but unable yet to solve it or change it – we can hardly bear it. We’re fully aware that we want and need something different, but the situation still hasn’t changed. The answer has not yet arrived. We worry that the situation will continue eternally and the problem will never be solved. During those times of living with a problem and the desire to solve it, we may long for the the old days, those days when our denial system was intact and we didn’t know what we were doing.
If you can’t solve it yet, if you can’t change it yet, it’s okay to live with it just as it is. Something is happening. The situation is changing. You’re on your way to change.
Trust that the waiting part of change
is necessary.
Trust that your desire for change is
the beginning of change.
Trust that each moment you are
are moving closer to the change
you desire.”
~ Journey to theHeart
I needed the permission that passage gave me to just sit quiet with unresolved issues. Permission not to work on them. Permission not to try to fix them. Permission to rest from them. Even permission to not even pray about them. It always comes back to being still and listening. This month I have worked harder at not resolving some issues than I’ve ever worked at solving them.
When I got home I emptied my jacket pockets. I pulled out a piece of writing a friend had given me the other night. The first line read:
“Do not look forward in fear to the changes in life; rather look to them with full hope as they arise”
The last line read:
“Be at peace and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations”.
And so, as another day goes by, it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie – no matter how much you want to wake them up and play with them, and ….I have written.
November 17th, 2011 True freedom is when the curtain is finally lifted and we see that which has been hidden within ourselves, keeping us prisoner. Today my morning meditation solved the true mystery of what I have been unknowingly grappling with for 17 months now. There is no better way to explain it than to just let you read it in its entirety. It’s from The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo, which I have read daily, without fail, searching, since January 1. Thank goodness he hit on my problem before the book ends on December 31.
Change the age to 58, and make it a Starbucks and this is my story, told better than I ever could.
And so, as another day goes by, life never ceases to be a learning curve, and…I have written.
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