This morning I woke up and talked on the phone with my husband, as usual. He said, “Hey, you didn’t blog yesterday.” I sat there shocked. He was right. I wrote the title for yesterday’s blog at the concert on Saturday night, saved it to remind me what I was thinking, and yesterday never wrote it. It just felt like I wrote it, because I thought it, and saved the title.
When my husband told me this news, I was pretty upset. I felt sure I’d never go a day without writing something. Then I also realized I hadn’t written my morning pages yesterday morning either. That was even harder to take, because that usually involves a prayer time, also.
My mind was in another sphere yesterday. A sphere it hasn’t been in for a very long time. I had such a great time on Saturday with my daughter on the beach and at the concert with my husband. Yesterday after they left, I had a friend and her 10 year old son coming to visit for a few days, so it was a quick bait n’ switch with the bedrooms. I dug into cleaning and preparing like I hadn’t done in a very long time. When I was done, I still had an hour before they arrived, and I sat down admiring my work. I remember feeling that my house hasn’t been that clean and peaceful in a long, long time.
What could be causing these changes I experienced yesterday? For something new to be present, something old has to be absent. Pain. The pain is gone. For the first time in these last few days I’ve begun to be able to talk about things that used to reduce me to tears and not be reduced to tears. I think I have arrived at the last step of grieving – acceptance.
And so, as another day goes by, a few leaves are starting to fall, maybe I’m moving into yet another new season of life….and, for yesterday, I have written.
Or….
I could just go with my horoscope : (my friend also brought her tiny dog)
Just like not going to yoga on Friday…sometimes it is even better to break the pattern. Then you realize you do it not because of the streak…but because it is what you want to do.
Congratulations on a new beginning.
Such a powerful life. Thanks for sharing with us.