….. by Claire Dederer is a memoir exquisitely told through one woman’s life long trek through many yoga teachers and studios. Who would think for a minute that the positions we contort ourselves into in the yoga studio, would parallel what we experience in our daily lives enough to communicate a life story?
Before being a “serious” yogi, like Claire, I would beg to differ with that concept. But now, after clocking over 100 classes, I fully embrace the medium she used to tell the story of a wife and mother, including her childhood and the influence it had on her life. Her insights into how she arrived at the person she is today cleverly escapes from the twenty three poses in the studio, much like an artist’s personna leaps from the canvas.
I totally get this yoga-life thing. My nemesis pose is standing head to knee. Everyday – “Wipe your hands on your costume and bend over and grip your right foot in your hands. Lock out your left knee. If the knee is wobbly and not locked, the posture has not begun and you must stay in this first phase until the left knee stays locked. If and only if the left leg is locked, slowly bring your right foot out on front of you so it looks like an upside-down letter L as in Linda. (isn’t it coincidental that MY name is not only part of the Bikram dialogue, but in my nemesis pose, no less) Next bring your elbows below your calf and touch your forehead to your knee.”
Back in my first few weeks of Bikram yoga, I struggled daily to lift that right leg to form the upside-down letter L. (after all, I WAS Linda, I should be able to do this) Everyday my hands slipped and lost the grip. My knee wobbled and needless to say, I spent more time falling out of the pose than staying in it. I would expend so much energy falling out and gripping my right foot over and over to get back in, that my heart was racing and I had no breath left to breathe when the instructor said, “Now breathe normally through your nose”. I spent alot of time on my knees trying not to pass out in the midst of the other upside-down L’s surrounding me. How DID they do that?
Along about my eighth week, I attended class with my daughter, who has been practicing Bikram for well over a year. After class, SHE brought up standing head to knee pose. (She was next to me witnessing the flopping around) She said, “Mom, you shouldn’t be trying to lift your right leg until you master the “basket grip”. I had to hang out in the first part of that pose for almost a year. I JUST started lifting my right leg.”
Eight weeks of hearing “If and only if the left leg is locked, slowly lift your right leg….” Eight weeks. The same message everyday and I STILL missed it, until my daughter pointed it out. Eight weeks of strife and struggle because I missed what was right in front of me everyday.
How many times does this happen to us? How long do we go missing the obvious, struggling to figure out what’s wrong, until we step on it like a land-mine and it blows up in our face, causing undue harm all around us? My rush-ahead, hurry-up nature has always been just as much as a nemesis to me as standing head to knee pose, causing much fear and anxiety over not being able to quickly “fix it” and be happy again. I could never see how you could be happy and calm while waiting for time to work its magic. “Be still and know that I am God” has never been my forte either, but it’s been a favorite of mine since college. The patience it takes to wait on time and do absolutely nothing seemed insurmountable to me by nature, but standing head to knee pose has been working with me on this for these past nine weeks. I now bend over and pick up my right foot and grip it with all 10 fingers just below the toes and lock out my left knee and here I stay here, hunched over practicing my “basket grip” for the full sixty seconds. I concentrate on my locked left knee in the mirror, letting time work and patience prevail. I relax and find stillness in this first part of the posture, knowing this pose may take many more months before I can raise that right leg and form the “upside-down letter L”. If you look at the picture below you’ll notice there are two more phases to the pose after you finally stretch out that right leg. And then comes the advanced part to the posture where you actually take your hands away and don’t even HOLD your foot up there.
When my heart knows time and patience are the answer, but my head wants to rush ahead, I now side with my heart without a struggle or a second thought. 17 weeks of standing head to knee has ingrained such patience and acceptance of the magic of time in me, that it has become an almost automatic response to shut down my usual rush-ahead, push and force nature. It’s changed me from the inside out.
People often ask, “Doesn’t doing the same 26 postures everyday get boring?” Boring? Seriously? This is only ONE posture and it’s going to take a year to master just the first part, not only in body, but in mind and spirit, too. With 25 more postures all holding valuable lessons, I hardly think boring is the word. It’s a good thing I have the rest of my life – I, too, see it being told in 26 postures. I foresee Bikram in my life well into my nineties, (he promises it reverses aging) and it’s a good thing you’re never too old, never too sick, etc. to do it, cause I’ve got a long way to go.
Yes, the story of one’s life can be told in twenty three yoga poses and Claire Derderer has done it well. This is a great read. I highly recommend both the book and maybe some consistent yoga practice, too.
And so, as another day goes by, I form resolution number two – let time and patience prevail and …I have written.
Resolution count so far:
1. Swallow the explosion and digest it
2. Let time and patience prevail
(I fear it’s going to be a busy year.)
Great post. Could totally relate.
I have been trying to do this pose right for a long time. Last year when I finally was getting there, I had a torn meniscus repaired (not from yoga). Since that knee has been difficult for some poses, I am hoping i will be able to get back into it.