This morning I made up my mind to begin my practice of mindfulness. I walked my mind downstairs and promptly attended to my morning pages. Kept my mind dutifully on what I was writing until the three pages were finished. After that I turned on the news. Not such good luck here. Within three minutes of watching the newscast, sipping my tea, my mind was elsewhere. The news went on for a half an hour and I had no idea what had happened overnight.
At my women’s Bible study I was thoroughly in tune to the video and engaged in wonderful conversations (a check in the positive column), although on the drive there I had to pull my mind back into the car and check what town I was in three times. .
As you can see, this mindfulness practice is not going well and it’s only lunchtime. I had lunch at a little café, while I finished reading 50 Shades of Darker (which we will discuss another day). My mind was thoroughly engaged in the book for the whole 45 minutes. The book was riveting, so lunch gets another check in the positive column. Next on today’s agenda (which, yes, I created while brushing my teeth) was errands at the mall. I found myself so totally engrossed in the errands I needed to do, that I didn’t notice one store, person, or kiosk that I passed.
This afternoon was yoga. I vowed to make a really serious attempt at mindfulness here. I made up my mind that I was going to concentrate on my body and how it felt in every pose, and not let my mind leave the room. The room was hot, so that lasted for approximately 3 poses. By the time we were on the floor, my mind was racing away, thinking about people far from here. My mind was so totally disengaged on the floor series, that I caught myself setting up for the wrong pose twice. So much for mindfulness in the yoga room. Chalk up yoga to a real case of “mindlessness”. The drive home was not much better. My mind was once again not in the car. Today a dear friend fell ill and was in the hospital. I thought of her and prayed for her on the entire ride home. Since this was a prayer, I’m not sure if it counts. (This mindfulness has its confusing moments)
My shower was not a mindful success either. I was aware of neither the water soap or shampoo because my mind was busy composing this blog. Next was dinner, while watching DVR’d shows. You would think eating and keeping my mind on the TV show in front of me would be a sure bet for another check in the positive column. Um..no… I put down my plate, picked up my phone, and I’m writing this blog as the TV show plays on in the background. I don’t even know why I bothered to record it.
I seem to remember a year ago when I tried to do a “silent” day. This is working just about as well as that did. No wonder there are mindfulness classes and books, and you actually have to “practice” it.
Stay in the moment, they say. I’m beginning to think there’s something wrong with my moments – I’m not too keen about staying in them.
And so, as another day goes by, I need to rethink this whole “being present” thing – although, that phrase “life is about a lot of simple, drama-free things” still rings in my brain, enticing me to keep trying…maybe…one more day…and..I have written.
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