What will make you happy? A new car? More money? A career change? A new relationship? A new house? The answer is none of these. There is a prerequisite before you can make your “If only I had this I would be happy” list. The prerequisite is you must be happy before any of these things can make you happy. I came across this paradox in my morning meditation. It went something like this:
“The reality of experiencing what I wanted was always different than the way I imagined it would feel. Reality was more of a struggle than the utopia I pictured in my dreams. And getting what I wanted never made me happy unless I was already happy first.” ~ Melody Beattie
I can identify with this, and maybe you can too. On a low day did you ever think “I need to buy myself something to make myself feel better?” After an expensive afternoon at the mall, you felt better, but how long did the good feeling last? Only as long as the dopamine stayed in your bloodstream, and within a few days, or even hours, the purchases had little effect on your down mood, but your credit card was now suffering right along with you.
I have refrained from shopping to make myself feel better. I find that when I shop for something I actually need to wear to a particular event or for a certain season, when I find it, the joy it brings me lasts well into the many times I get to wear it. I was happy and excited before I bought it. The good mood was already in me before I set out for that thing I needed.
Shopping is a concrete example for the more abstract times in life. If we find ourselves in a state of longing, maybe we should take an inventory. Am I happy setting out on this endeavor or am I doing it to make myself happy? I think Beattie has a point. Sometimes when we get that thing we thought was going to make our world all right again, we find it’s not all it was cracked up to be or we don’t really want it after all. We get so caught up in the chase that we forget to realize the responsibility that might come with it. Sometimes we lose complete sight of our goal and end up chasing the “happy feeling”.
And so, as another day goes by,
I just remembered we’re going out Saturday night…
It’s St. Patty’s Day…
I need some holiday garb….
I hear the mall calling…
Wait…I’m happy about Saturday night…
So……bye, I gotta go, and …I have written.
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