Reflex? Really?

“Breathe steady and try to outwait your reflexes to be angry or anxious or envious or resentful.”~ Mark Nepo

This was at the end of my morning meditation yesterday. It has been stuck in my mind since I read it. I think the part that fascinates me is that being angry, anxious, etc. are just reflexes and can be controlled by simply outwaiting them.

When that hot fire of anger or resentment strikes through me, I would always rush to open my mouth and voice the who, what, & whys, of the situation. I really thought that’s what it was all about – what someone did or said that made me instantly upset, and the anger was a feeling coming forth from the heart and couldn’t be helped. Thinking of it as a reflex really clinicalizes it and takes the heart right out if it.

For about three months now, I have done this without thinking of it as a reflex. On my journey, one of the things I learned early on was that that instant anger and resentment had to be quieted. I have done this for over three months now, using what I learned in yoga. I have found that sometimes the situation had to be dealt with after the quieting, with some calm talking, but most of the time after outwaiting the reflex, there was actually nothing to be angry or resentful over – it just dissipated. This has proven to me over and over again that the anger is a reflex response because once it passed, those were not the true feelings of my heart.

Of course, alcohol heightens this whole experience. Nerve endings are way more sensitive after a few glasses of wine and when someone does something to set me off, and I need a method of control I can grab quickly to stifle an unflattering response that would just exacerbate the situation, just as alcohol incites hunger and I have to have healthy food within arms reach. Now, that word “reflex” will be my grab bar. It will bring me back to what I practice everyday in the yoga studio – lying very still and waiting for the reflex to scratch an itch or wipe a drop of sweat or adjust my clothing to pass. It still amazes me how the things I practice daily in yoga, imprint on my life.

And so, as another day goes by, I think quieting oneself and stepping back in the face of anger is by far the most valuable lesson I have come to learn, and…I have written.

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