After 57 years walking this earth, why do I always feel the need to reinvent myself? Like the wheel, after living with myself for that long, you would think I would know by now that no matter how many reinventions I attempt or how many times I manifest myself into a “new person”, that I would still come out the same “me”.
I’m just too happy, too over bearing, too loving, too involved, move too fast, get too excited, too hopeful, always wanna fix things, want to make everyone happy, too organized, too planned, ……..I actually exhaust myself READING what I just wrote. I’m not gonna apologize for my “me-ness” because it’s always out of love and good, but I gotta slow down and balance the boat. Hmmmm….I need a plan. I will read, think, meditate, write, practice yoga, throw myself into solitary therapeutic household tasks (like painting rooms) where my mind is free to vacate the premises as push my brush up and down to the beat of the blaring Pandora radio – after this long (maybe all winter) transformation of myself, just who will I be come spring?
STILL someone who is too happy, too over bearing, too loving, too involved, moves too fast, gets too excited, too hopeful, always wanting to fix things, wanting to make everyone happy, too organized, too planned, ……..I will be just myself, as the proverbial wheel will always be just that – the wheel.
Now that doesn’t mean I won’t still try to move toward a more peaceful, balanced existence, because as I said, I am a hopeful individual. My glass is always half full instead if half empty. Hey? Isn’t half a glass a form of balance?
And so, as another day goes by, I’m thinking of keeping me, me, but just turn down the volume a few notches, and I have written.
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