“peace.
it does not mean to be in
a place where there is no
noise, trouble, or hard work.
it means to be in the midst
of those things
AND STILL BE CALM IN YOUR HEART. “
~ unknown
That was a quote I used to keep prominently displayed on top of my computer in my kindergarten classroom. I used to think it meant “in the middle of 25 five year olds”. When I retired and packed up my room, I retired that quote. After all, when would I find myself in the middle of chaos retired in Cape Cod? Never say never is what I’m learning now.
When you’re no longer in the middle of a job and kids, where could chaos possibly come from? Certainly not from these idyllic days spent here on the cape, by the sea. Ha! The road to peace is much harder and longer through idyllicness than it is through a job and kids. The road has now become obscured. A new unit on bats or cleaning the classroom and setting up brand new learning centers no longer cuts it. I remember those days of staying at school til 7 at night and locking the door with resounding satisfaction that the next day peace and order would be restored. I didn’t know how easy I had it.
Somewhere in this last year I lost the peace I used to find in these waves in front of me. This peace has nothing to do with cleaning and setting to order. This peace used to reside in my soul, not in a room. For months, groveling around in a difficult situation has taken me down a new path to peace. I saw peace as the end all, instead of, like the quote says, in the middle of it all. I realized today that whether my situation eases or not, I have to find peace in the middle of it.
I work closely with God on this everyday. In fact, He went to the beach with me today. I asked Him to just walk along and sit there with me today. I told Him it seemed like it’s been awhile since we’ve done that. It feels like all I do is spend time in fervent prayer, once again not giving God a chance to get in a word edgewise. (I still believe I’m His assistant, and He’s still not buying it). So today we sat and watched the tide go out. We just listened to the flip flop of the waves pulling the rocks down into the water. After awhile, God turned to me and said, “You know, when the fear and the pain are gone it will mean you have finally given all control over to Me. Therein lies your peace.” I just nodded my head in agreement, and refocused on the waves.
And so, as another day goes by, resurrecting old lessons teaches us new ones, and I have written.
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