Watching the royal wedding this morning caused my eyes to blink open very early and hear some words of wisdom that rang true for me.
Some things I heard that caused me to sit up and take notice were contained in the priest’s message to the royal couple instructing them in what it would take to have a lasting relationship. Two things in particular stood out.
The priest said, “It takes mutual forgiveness to thrive.” The words “mutual” and “thrive” spoke to me. Through the word mutual, I saw the two sides of forgiveness. God has always blessed me with the gift of forgiving easily. I believe deep within that there is nothing to be gained by carrying around anger, that in the big picture, is so minuscule, but so damaging to both people involved. The other side of forgiveness is equally as cruel. To not be forgiven for something you never intended to do, and have shown true remorse for, is as, or more, damaging than not being able to forgive your own transgressors. The other key word was thrive. Mutual forgiveness allows both people to grow, move forward, and become better for each other. In my mind, don’t even try a marriage with someone who does not easily participate in forgiveness. In marriage, as well as in friendship, requiring a person to be perfect is the quickest way to end the relationship, which brings me to the other wise statement the priest offered.
His other poignant piece of wisdom he had for the royal couple was, “You are in the relationship to transform each other, not reform each other”. I completely understand and agree with this, and have never heard it stated quite so well before. I can say from personal experience that both my husband and I are different people today than we were when we met at 17, and the transformation is due to a friendship, based on forgiveness and trust. We never reformed each other – the things that annoyed us about each other then, still annoy us today. But because we transformed into adults from the teens we were, as a result of our life together, those annoyances, like our issues needing forgiveness over the years, have become insignificant in our big picture. I can safely say, after 35 years, we married each other for who we are, not who we hoped to make each other into. These two pieces of advice are necessary for two people to make a “big picture”.
I hadn’t really planned on spending a lot of time watching the wedding this morning, but in it I found a certain amount of respect for Kate and Will for being able to bring the traditional pomp and circumstance into the 21st century. From the ceremony, to her dress, to the guests they invited into the church (the homeless Will spent the night with, the neighborhood people they interact with, etc.) to the music at the evening ball, they infused the entire day with parts of their own personalities and lives and brought youth and tradition together.
And so, as another day goes by, I wish both, the royal couple, and a dear friend of my daughter’s who also wed on this day, the fairy tale I have found in my own marriage and I thank them for reminding me of it today.
(At one point we “transformed” ourselves into a rockstar and a chef ….laugh much with your spouse, family, and friends …you never know what, over the years, you’ll transform into with each other, and….I have written.)
My dear friend, Linda,
You are so very wise – and a wonderful writer – keep on going with both your blogs and your book!! Yes, I said, book! I did it – relying on God for His direction and empowerment – and so can you!!
I’m delighted to read about your happy marriage! May God continue to bless you with many more delightful years together.
love you,
Shirley
That was my thought,too.