….especially when it comes to letting go of major things in your life. You know you have to do it. In fact, you probably talk to yourself for weeks or months about it. You know deep inside the day is coming, and you spend alot of time saying “I’m going to let that go”. Again, easier said than done. You only get so much time to set it in motion, and if you drag your feet, then God and the universe take over. The movement starts small and slow.
At first it starts out with a tiny feeling that something is not quite right in an area of your life. Then sound bites start drifting in here and there and you begin to get uneasy. The sound bites turn into full blown sentences coming from people who love you, but are trying to tell you subtly that it’s time to make the major break, but you deny it, refusing to listen. Now God enters the picture. He creates small incidents and gently tries to guide you toward the edge of the cliff that you must jump off of and really really trust that it’s gonna be okay. Do you listen so this “letting go” will be less painful and a bit easier for everyone involved? No. You still harbor tons of fear and feel safer denying the whole thing. There’s nothing wrong with this, as it’s just basic human nature to want to stay safe, both on the outside AND on the inside. Just because it’s basic human nature still doesn’t mean it isn’t going to happen whether you fight it or not. The only difference is how hard or how easy you’re going make it. If it’s a small area of your life, you eventually give in and give it to God and tell him you’re done fighting, put down the gloves, and walk away.
When you have to let go of something major – that’s been a daily part of your life for a long time, that’s a different story. It’s gonna take a major hurricane to wipe away that which you are holding onto so tightly. It’s almost as if God steps in, renders you completely powerless, and there you are, one year old again, standing at the top of the cellar stairs as your dad throws your bottle down the stairs and you watch it crash at the bottom. Over. Done. Quick. Clean. You had no choice. What had to be, had to be.
As you turn and walk away, it’s utter devastation all around you and you enter a numb-like place, where you sit until the shock wears off. Once you return to the place of feeling again, you begin to look around at the devastation, really look. You actually find pieces of things that used to be, and instead of grieving the loss, you begin to find meaning and make sense of what just happened out of these pieces. You actually turn to God and say thank you for taking it right out of your hands and rendering you powerless.
Bad things happen, but some good always follows in their wake. Out of acres of burnt, fire ravaged land, a new green shoot begins to sprout. Just when you thought a piece of your life was obliterated, new life begins in that spot. Not the same life, but good, and in most cases better and healthier. You look at God again and say, “Okay, I’ll go with it.” and right then and there you know you’re going to be okay. You know everyone involved is going to be ok. Slowly you begin to realize, it’s going to be different, but actually better. Your world has been rearranged and it’s time to walk a new path. How fitting for the fourth day of a new year. God’s timing is impeccable.
2010 has been a year of tremendous loss for me, and I’m hoping 2011 will be a year of new gains. The hurricane has passed. The process of letting go is in motion. I’m rooting around in my emergency kit I packed yesterday to deal with the drama.
And so, as another day goes by, I know I’m going to be okay, and….I have written.
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