Resetting the compass: Day 4 (It’s becoming obvious to me that that is what January is going to be all about.)
This morning my husband had an early appointment with the heart doctor to discuss the next steps on his path of arterial fibrillation. We were going to a specialist to see if he needed a procedure or another course of treatment. I was brushing my teeth thinking how different our morning was. Usually we are bantering about the news, how he feels, who wants toast, etc. Today we were going about our business in silence, exchanging few words. We were both thinking about where we were going today and were perhaps a bit nervous. Then my mind wandered to the book I’m currently reading.
I’m reading [sic] A Memoir by Joshua Cody. I just started it three days ago and have been very frustrated with this read. The book was actually annoying me. He has cancer and is getting treatments and going to the doctor appointments, but that’s not the frustrating part. It’s the way it’s written. The doctor would say two words to him and then he goes off writing pages about random thoughts from his past. Then he’d come back and insert two more sentences about what the doctor is saying, then ramble off again for three or more pages. Now, while brushing my teeth, thinking about what we might hear today, I suddenly got it. The read is supposed to frustrate the reader. He actually does a wonderful job portraying what the mind does when sitting in front of your cancer doctor, trying to listen to the fate of the rest of your life. It makes a real point of why you don’t go to these appointments alone. Then another light went on, as I turned off the bathroom light. Maybe we were going to the heart doctor today to figure out our next steps, but we are not going to the cancer doctor. My husband’s fate is something he can control and move forward with. With cancer, that’s not always the case. Leaving the house, I suddenly felt very gratuitous for our destination.
And so, as another day goes by, today the compass points toward more gratitude in 2012 and being thankful for what you have – before it turns into something you had, and….I have written.
Leave a Reply