Tonight I’m posting late. My husband had a medical difficulty and I had to drive to NY unexpectedly late in the day. He is doing fine and all should be cleared up by Monday.
Do you believe God gave me this right at the end of my journey fighting fear and loss? As I drove the four hour trip to the NY hospital, I kept asking, “God! What are you thinking? Haven’t I had my fill this year?” He said no. I told Him it’s too soon to take on more. He said no. Man, He’s tough.
Then He said, “Let it go.” No, really, He did. Like He was riding shotgun and talking to me in plain English. I suddenly got it. This is a pivotal circumstance to change me and my life. I am to shed loss and fear completely. I’ve battled it for 11 months and made great strides, but the fear of loss creeps back in now and then, pressing on my chest or totally incapacitating me for a bit. Nothing like back in the first 6 months, but still there, hovering in the background.
Tonight, rushing home to get to my husband’s side, just made me really, once and for all, give it all up. When the most important person in your life is suddenly threatened, you realize how weak and helpless you really are. You realize only a higher power can make any difference.
And so, as another day has already gone by, I once and for all place the fear of loss where it belongs – at the base of the cross. I just dumped it there, walked away, and…I have written.
I’m glad your husband is fine. After my prayer for his well-being, I said, ‘No, do not do this to her, not now.’ I’m not as strong as you are (though I admire your strength). My first response is to put up my fists….letting go of the control we know we don’t really have is very difficult. Peace and good health to you and your husband!
A truly beautiful and insightful piece. Perfect title, as it is a lovely reminder to me of REAL reason I’m running around buying Christmas presents,decorating the house, baking cookies, etc.
May you walk in the “peace that surpasseth understanding.”