“……something happens and things change… Once you experience something like that, you arrive at a new level and you can never go back. Have you ever felt that? What was it like? ” ~Paul Taubman
Ironically, I found this quote in my inbox when I got out of yoga this morning. During class I experienced another “throwback challenge” from last spring. Last spring our teacher challenged us to a one minute camel. This was back when camel, (normally 20 sec), still caused fear and panic for me. I did it and I was excited that I pushed through it. Yes, I pushed through it, but my heart was beating, I felt I had no air, I just kept thinking I’d quit any minute and, afterwards, fell back on the mat like I’d just run a marathon.
Today was a different story. My yoga class was a different story than it’s ever been. Today when I stood in place to begin breathing and looked into my eyes, I saw someone new. My back stood straighter. My legs and hips were fully engaged. When I began the breathing exercise, I experienced a strength I never felt before. There was a confident, not beaten, person looking back at me in the mirror. I felt a shift in my soul. Something had changed within me. Deep within me. It was a feeling something that held me prisoner for all these months was suddenly gone. I don’t know what. It was spiritual, not thoughtful. I took note, then went on and had an amazing class, working with strength and confidence in poses that had been giving me difficulty for months.
Then came the one minute camel challenge. Well, I thought, if there was ever a day to offer this challenge, today was the day. I was a rockstar. I went into it confidently. Set my gaze on my familiar knot in the paneling on the wall behind me, and very purposefully, knowing I wanted to do the minute, refrained from pushing my hips toward the mirror too soon, paced myself, and when the air began to disappear, instead of the panic and fear of the spring time, I remained calm and finished the minute easily. Laying back down on my mat afterward, I felt nothing but a new calmness. Another “October Gauntlet” thrown before me, and conquered, using all I’ve learned on this journey.
Now, in this tenth month, I feel the turning of another corner. A new confidence is growing out of the old challenges from the winter and spring cropping back up again, but now being dealt with swiftly and surely, with new skills at my fingertips. God speaks, I listen. He says “do it”. I do it. He says “sit quiet, I’m working”, I sit quiet and let God work. No more “me and what I want to do” or “me and the way I want things”. No more me, period.
And so, as another day goes by, even with gauntlets appearing out of nowhere, life is extremely peaceful, and…I have written.
Leave a Reply