St. Patrick was a courageous kind of guy. He was captured and taken hostage at a young age. His captors took him from his homeland in Britain to Ireland and kept him in prison for years. During his imprisonment, he claims to have had a dream in which God spoke to him and told him to escape. He did so and returned to Britain and became a priest. He then returned to Ireland and became the championship of Irish Christianity.
In most of our lives that is not the kind of courage we are called upon to deliver. To me, personally, courage means being brave enough to expose my vulnerability and risk rejection and judgement and not being loved. I do this with every blog I write, every piece of art I share, and….in every relationship I take part in. Courage is being authentically who I am, risking acceptance.
I had to learn this. I used to spend a lot of time trying to be everything everyone thought I should be. And what was that? Perfect. I thought if I could be the perfect wife, mom, teacher, friend, etc. then I would never get hurt. I found out there’s no such thing as perfect anything. My five year old students would come to school already wanting to be perfect – so afraid of failure, afraid of not measuring up. I remember telling them that I expected them to make mistakes. That’s how we go about this business of learning to read, write, and count. We make mistakes. I told them that if they already knew all there was to know, there’d be no reason for school. I’d encourage them everyday to become vulnerable. Little did I know I was showing them the path to courage.
Now, almost four years out of the classroom, it’s about time I start educating myself. Using my writing and art as a segway to relationships, I lay my vulnerability out there. I’m finally learning what I taught my students so long ago: it’s so much easier to be who you are, than it is covering it up by trying to be perfect. I’m working on voicing what is really going on inside me instead of covering it up by trying to blame someone or pick a fight just so I don’t have to reveal my heart. This takes courage. This builds courage.
And so, as another St. Patty’s Day goes by, I believe I’m a better person than I was one year ago, vulnerability leads to growth, growth is life being lived at its fullest, and…I have written.
Photo: mine Quote: Brene Brown, author of “Daring Greatly”
Leave a Reply