Today a great concept smacked me in the brain bright and early this morning. That probably meant that I shouldn’t dismiss it’s message so easily. I was reading Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst. This was an interesting little book I picked up on Amazon this week for only $1.99. The title intrigued me and when I read the trailer the main concept of the book caused me to say, “That’s me! That’s me!” The concept is:
“I can face things out of my control without acting out of control.”
So simple you’d think I wouldn’t need a book to tell me how to do that. Oh, but I do, I sincerely do. One little story the author used to illustrate her point was having to replace her computer twice within days. The first time she was alone, it crashed, she thought she lost her whole life and she promptly freaked out. The second time she was with her daughter and the brand new laptop was stolen. While waiting for yet another new computer her daughter said to her, “You know what I like about you, Mom? You’re not a freak-out woman when bad things happen.” We’ll, she just wanted to cry right there in the mall. She actually was thankful for the computer debacle if in this one moment her daughter learned this from her actions.
I remember when I was teaching I was not a freak-out teacher when a child spilled paint or juice or dropped a huge bucket of rice or beans by accident. I remember I always made it a point, as they stood there in fear, waiting for the ax to fall, to very quietly tell them it was okay. It was an accident and we’ll just simply clean it up. Then I would calmly show them how to do just that. Their immediate relief showed on their faces as juice rolling off a table quickly became an interesting science lesson.
I think learning to not act out of control in situations beyond our control is an extremely important life skill and hopefully I modeled that enough times for my students. At home, especially as my girls approached adulthood and their trying times grew bigger and more serious, I always made it a point to not join in their freaking out when they called me. I would listen, then give them a simple direction to go calm themselves down before taking any further actions. I remember telling them to go wash their face, make a cup of coffee, breath, and wait 30 minutes before talking to anyone.
Seems like I have not being a “freak-out woman when bad things happen” down to a science, right? So why do I need this book? If you notice all the “freak-out” situations happened to someone else, not to me. When I get blindsided (and through my naivety of thinking everyone is a good person with the best of intentions, I often do), I immediately get all hot and sweaty – a burning hot sensation floods through me and I immediately lash out because I just “did not see that coming”. I throw a tantrum and then go hide. I have worked very hard over the last few years to start taking my own advice. Oh I still get the white-hot sweaty feeling searing through me, but I keep my mouth shut, take time to gather my wits, use my yoga breathing, take a mini savasana, and not leave the room in a huff. I am that far, but it’s not far enough. When slammed with a situation I can’t control, I still don’t trust myself to not be a “freak-out” woman.
And so, as another day goes by, I’ll spend some time with “Unglued” and hope I learn some new truths about our ridiculously complex human nature, and…I have written.
Doesn’t this cover pic say it all? Lol!
I should also perhaps buy a copy of Unglued, Linda. That cover photo really made me laugh – if only because that is exactly me, too.