Irene came and went and left more than a few twigs on my lawn. It was wonderful to wake up to a normal breezy cape morning. The day was spent in yard cleanup. My husband “vacuumed” the lawn with the tractor, while I picked up all the oversized branches. No sooner had we begun our task, when the belt on the lawn tractor slipped off the pulley and jammed itself. We tried everything to get it out, before we started taking things apart. Belt still stuck in pulley, tractor parts all over the lawn, we headed out to find a new belt. No belt that long on cape, ordered one, and the guy at the car parts store got the belt off the pulley. I convinced my husband that we were ahead with getting the belt unstuck and we could still use it. (Oh I so wanted to use it because raking this yard was not in my plans for the day. While cleaning the outside shower earlier, I was already contemplating that shower and glass of wine this evening.) We came home, put everything back together, started her up and prayed the old belt would get our yard done today. It did and I was happy to survey our yard and have it all back to normal by late afternoon.
My work picking up and carrying sticks was solitary. The motion of my body was in sync with the thoughts in my mind and I realized my brain was acting much like it does when I’m sleeping. As I was consciously paying attention to the sticks, in the background my mind was working on things that puzzle me or upset me. It was working on my problems as I worked on the sticks, much the same way our dreams are working on solutions to our problems while our body attends to sleep, rest, and repair.
I liked the quote in my morning meditation today and found myself reciting it as rhythmically as I gathered up the small limbs:
“I will always have fears, but I need not be my fears, for I have other places within myself from which to speak and act.”
~Parker J. Palmer
While carrying and dragging armloads of branches, I carefully explored the other places within myself from which I can speak and act. To me, this was talking about my energy sources. If I let my fears (which are largely about loss), give me my energy, I will be fraught with anxiety. If let God and the people I love be the source of my energy, I will be blessed with peace and calmness. Easy to say, harder to do, but lately, I’ve been making it a conscious choice instead of giving in to that first stab of fear.
The combination of the realization of my progress on the downside of the beach path (cited in earlier blogs), along with the sight of my yard beginning to return to normal, worked in combination to clean both my yard and mind of clutter.
I find work is good. Exercise can perform the same brain clearing function, but it’s much easier to blow off than a yard full of storm debris. Many times it’s easier to just sit and feel our fears grow. Having work that needs to be done can be a blessing in disguise.
And so, as the day after Irene goes by, I got the shower, chilled wine, and a peace found through hard work, and I have written.
This is all very new to me and this article really opened my eyes.Thanks for sharing with us your wisdom.