I read so many stories about broken hearts. They are always written about or by the person whose heart was broken. Very seldom do I come across the story of a person who did the breaking. I have had my heart broken some over the years. A few times I thought the pain was so unbearable that I’d never see the other side of it. How many of you, too, have picked up the two pieces of your heart off the floor and spent months finding some epoxy that will hold it together? Eventually you do find one that works and one day when you take your hands away, the two pieces hold firm, eventually hardening into just a thin scar. This I know. This I can do.
But what if you are the breaker of a heart? One time, I held a fragile heart. It was like holding a trembling baby bird in my hand. I had to be so careful. It was a delicate balance as I carried it from place to place all day long. I had to squeeze just hard enough so it wouldn’t fall out of my hand as I walked with it, but I had to loosen my hold just enough for it to breathe and grow. And it takes a long time for the baby to grow into not a baby anymore. It stays fragile for a long time. Then one day, without meaning to, I tripped and fell and inadvertently squeeze too tight as I hit the ground. As it died, I felt real pain for the first time. Pain that no broken heart of my own can ever rival. This heart was broken by my own hand.
I would take the pain of having my heart broken a million times, rather than live in the emotional prison caused by being the breaker. I never held anything so fragile as that heart. I just didn’t know that such fragility and pain existed.
This is a pain that you never want to know. If you are the keeper of a heart, please be careful and watchful of objects that are closer than they appear in the mirror. They can cause you to trip because you are trying so hard to keep that heart safe by looking out in the distance and you miss what is right at your feet.
And so, as another day goes by, there are no excuses, apologies, or epoxies…and I have written.
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