Yesterday I came across another blog I liked very much. I signed up to get emails of new posts, but I don’t remember the name of the blog, so I can’t share it with you until there’s a new post.
Yesterday’s post was interesting, but it was the question at the end that caught my attention:
“As a follower of Jesus Christ, how do you deal with being left out of the “top” lists, events, and awards in which you feel you should have been included – without getting angry or going into a depression? What words of advice can you offer someone who may react this way when they feel excluded or jealous over anything for that matter?”
This question got my attention because it is something I both feared and battled all my life. My biggest fear was not being good enough or at least as good as everyone else was. I was always tremendously insecure, even as a young child. I can go back and pinpoint where that started. It started in first grade in a Catholic school. First and second grade were in the same room with Sister Claudia as the teacher. She frequently left second graders in charge of the room. They would pick on certain first graders by putting their name on the board even if they didn’t do anything wrong. When the nun came back, you got paddled on the butt with a ruler, no questions asked. It was a daily form of bullying. It happened to me once, but as a result, I learned to live every day in fear. That daily fear training stuck with me and made me fearful in peer and social situations since. It took many years, on into college, before I began getting recognition for jobs well-done. Even then, it took at least five years of teaching to be able to go to school each day without fear of failure in my belly. It took a very long time for me to feel that I, too, actually do do a good job.
Socially it lasted a lot longer. Being left out or not considered would cause me to get angry, sad and depressed. I would throw a tantrum and run and hide. I’d feel sorry for myself and get very, very angry at whoever put me down. I even had a hard time handling what was gentle, in-fun, teasing out of love – even from my own husband and children. I no longer react this way. I’ve learned to laugh at myself, appreciate the part of me my kids call “crazy”, and actually be proud of the fact that I’m different than the norm. I now realize that in a career of creativity, it is that uniqueness that is going to write my stories. I’ve since learned that a bit of eccentricity is the way of an artist.
It has been in the last few years I finally learned to travel a different path. I had to learn to stop being defined by what others say or think about me. I learned that for every one person who criticized me, there’s at least two or three more who felt the opposite. I learned to drop the naysayers by the side of the road and continue on without a bruised ego.
My new path heavily depends on God’s will for my life. If I’m not picked or considered I now firmly believe there’s a good reason, even if I don’t see it right away. I look for what it is I haven’t learned yet. I look forward to a new path or direction ahead that will help me achieve my goals. No more anger. No more feeling sorry for myself. Time spent licking wounds is time lost on my next adventure.
And so, as another day goes by, when things don’t go your way, don’t waste precious adventure time on anger and depression, instead look with hope at what’s around the corner, and….I have written
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