..and I have NOT written. At first, I was sad about this, but as I thought about it, there is another way of looking at it. The writer’s brain, like a well, needs time to be replenished with fresh thoughts. These three days were my replenishment period.
These days were spent in the company of people close to my heart and through our quiet and loud times, I felt my outlook on life, and the way I view my place in my present journey, changing within me. I felt curtains of tears and waves of sadness gradually leave me. Burdens I’ve been carrying for months just evaporated. For the first time in many months I am beginning to relax back into the person I lost a long time ago.
This weekend “retreat” restored solid ground that had slipped away over time. Lots of letting go of things that I harbored and were dragging me down took place. The concepts I read and spoke about earlier in Kelly Cutrone’s book If You Have to Cry, Go Ouside were internalized and applied – much to my surprise. I put down the gloves. Stopped fighting things I cannot change and only then, was I able to see clearly the things I should embrace. I stopped kicking and screaming and crying, and instead approached things in a clear thinking manner, standing up and taking my place in a spot that was meant for me. This spot comes with alot of responsibility, requires unconditional love, and fortunately no more risk of loss. My outlook on the upcoming days ahead has been drastically altered. What I had dreaded with much trepidation, I now look forward to with love and contentment. Again, I know I must stop fussing and crying and step up and do not only what’s needed, but what’s wanted, even by me.
I am a more peaceful individual tonight as I close out what was an important, much needed hiatus from my own daily world. Stepping away from one’s own thoughts for a bit, gives God and the universe a chance to work it’s plan within us. Another words, stop trying so hard, thinking too much and rest in fate and faith. My angel of peace has not let me down as long as I stopped trying to make things happen, and once again the rewards are more than anything I could have done or created.
And so, as another day goes by, I am in a better place, and ….have resumed writing.
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