I recently made a new friend at the writer’s workshop I attended on Saturday. She friended me on Facebook. I was reading through her page and found this:
“There are three things you can’t hide: the sun, the moon, and the truth.”
Just this morning, while watching the news, my husband and I were discussing how things buried in the past can come out and bite you in the ass (Cain & Penn State). We said we hope young people entering high profile careers will learn from these stories and think twice before compromising themselves because 15 years from now it will come back and haunt them and everything they worked for will be gone in the blink of an eye. It always gets found out. The truth really is as big as the sun and the moon and none of them fit under the carpet.
As devastating as it is for high profile people, what about us low profile people who don’t even have 100 friends on Facebook? For us, too, it is devastating. Falling and failing in front of family and friends causes emotional pain and damage. Sorry doesn’t cut it. Forgiveness isn’t even on the radar. Hours are spent alone muttering about the “if onlys”. Hindsight is 20/20. The road to forgiving oneself is a long one. Being completely dismantled as a person is painful. Being put back together hurts twice as much. Facing who you were is excruciating. Being bent and honed into who you will be in the future takes more than you ever imagined you had in you. I saw all this in Conrad Murray’s face when the sentence was delivered. (To me, he was not expressionless) And that’s how it is for us commoners, too, when we don’t think before we act. I can’t imagine having it displayed all over the morning news.
Thank God there is a God because there is no easy way out. I’ve learned you have to walk through it. You have to feel every feeling. To try to sweep it under the rug only leads to unstable mental health. Pretending it never happened doesn’t work and only lasts so long. The first step toward changing and healing is to just simply stop. Stop everything. Stop thinking. Stop talking. Stop trying to explain, apologize, and justify. Stop crying and kicking and screaming. Just stop.
Once you’ve stopped, remain still. Arms by your side. Be a vehicle for the spirit. You’re not dead, it didn’t kill you, so the spirit will move you. It’s just important YOU don’t move you. Be quiet in mind, mouth, and actions. Just listen. It is then that God allows us to take that first step toward healing.
Eleven months. Eleven months have passed. I started out with being a vehicle for the spirit in January, and now, in November, the lesson is listening. I’ve come full circle and the answer is the same – surrender. I’ve tried all my own ideas and ways. Exhausted all possibilities. And what did I learn? The same thing I wrote about in January. “Lean not unto thine own understanding” cause I don’t understand a damn thing.
God is steady. He is the only one who knows all. I’m reading a book that is wonderful, but it’s the title that has the most impact on me: “Fear Not Tomorrow-God is Already There” by Ruth Graham.
Imagine trusting someone who already knows the future instead of my fearful, insecure, unsure, self? Once I let Jesus take the wheel, as the song says, I did find that peace that passes all understanding. My life improved steadily from that day forward in ways I could not imagine.
Trouble is, I couldn’t just say it. I had to listen daily. Not just petition for things I wanted or wanted to happen. I had to stop everyday and listen. I have come to the conclusion that listening will always be a part of my daily meditation. I am careful now to let God think before I act.
Some of us learn the hard way, but I feel really bad for those that have to learn on national TV. I do pray that our young people today entering professional careers err on the side of wisdom and divine guidance as they shape their futures.
And so, as another day goes by, I’m still listening, and….I have written.
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