…which I actually did in telling my husband about my day today….
“Today WAS a changing day in my life”. A few days ago I wrote about the book “The Secret”. I mentioned I was a little uncomfortable with the way the concept was presented, and then read Lisa Love’s “Beyond the Secret…spirituality and the law of attraction”. This read was truly a life changing treasure. I finished the book two days ago, but the power of it’s words struck today. In this book I learned about two powerful, life-changing strategies: gratitude for what you have and being custodial with that which you are given.
I have spent the first two years of my retirement emotionally blocked from truly enjoying this life which I have been given. I walked around anxious and scared, waiting for the “other shoe to drop” because I have been given such blessings. I have a beautiful home, the gift of being able to retire at a relatively young age, enough money so I don’t have to work, all the free time to pursue my dream of “being a writer on Cape Cod”, the ocean at my doorstep, perfect health, the most sensitive, loving, understanding husband in the world, two amazing, beautiful, successful daughters that are my very best friends, an absolutely amazing extended family, a career that I can be proud of looking back on, a serene life here in my idyllic cape town filled with such positive, successful, inspirational, artistic people I met through the Cape Cod Writers Center and my yoga class, my beautiful and inspiring hospice family, and I could go on and on…. Despite a hurricane or two, I am a very lucky woman.
But what do I do? Agonize everyday how I have it too good. Tell myself I don’t deserve this. I can’t relax and appreciate and enjoy what I have been given. This thinking actually made living my life a “chore” because I felt I had to DO something to deserve this. No one gets a perfect life like this. There’s too many unfortunate people suffering in this world for me too have this much. I was blocked. Blocked from being able to feel daily joy in my days. I could see it, but I couldn’t feel it. The frustration was building.
Then I read Lisa Love’s book and found freedom. I have learned to walk through my day giving thanks for each thing I cross in it. When my feet hit the floor in the morning I utter two words as they hit, “thank”….”you”. Learning gratitude has let me feel deep and tremendous appreciation for the life God has given me. Saying “thank you” for my car, my driveway, my garage door as I lifted it this morning, suddenly released the block in a flood of emotion. I actually “felt” the gratitude instead of just hearing the words in my mind. It was suddenly “okay” for me to love my home and car and driveway.
Lately my thinking has led me to flirt with depression by losing interest and not taking care of necessary daily maintenance and upkeep of what I have been blessed with. My car, house, and yard need the attention I didn’t have the energy to give, because I was so ridden with anxiety. But in Lisa’s book I learned about being custodial. I learned that it’s okay to accept God’s blessings without guilt, but I have a responsibility to lovingly care for everything He gives me. The thought of lovingly caring for each thing I’m blessed with gave me tremendous freedom to feel the gratitude and fully enjoy all I’ve been given…..freeing me to focus on what God has planned for me on this next phase of life.
Tonight I give gratitude for you, all my loyal readers, who walk this writer’s road with me daily, as I meander through thoughts, ideas, and teachings, much like beautiful route 6A follows the coast along the cape. Just as I appreciate the King’s Highway as I drive to the yoga studio each morning, I appreciate all your comments and letters that provoke my mind to further contemplate the mysteries of this life we live. Maybe all richness you give me will add up to a great book someday.
And so, as another day goes by, Dr. Phil speaks the truth, and ….I have written.
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