After my three day hiatus my thoughts are once again flowing. I am thinking back to the beginning of my writing journey that I write about in a different blog. I keep that one password protected because the process is too painful to share – it's actually called Writing Pains. Today though, I feel like sharing the beginning of my journey with you. Why now? Because I read an article in my Cape Cod Writers newsletter of a psychologist counseling a published, well-known writer on writer's block and he told her all the same things I told myself when I started to blog. I feel so validated that I did all the right things and proud that I figured it out on my own instead of the $200 an hour that that author probably paid to get told the same things.
Part of what he told her went like this: "Take control of your inner motivations by eliminating the possibility of failing. This includes such things as your fears, goals, beliefs, and expectations. In your case, one method is to consider anything above zero as a plus. That will change the lens with which you're viewing your writing. For example, type anything and consider it a partial success. Think of it as a step ladder. The first step puts you on the bottom rung, which is more than where you are now. Each step up brings you closer to your goal. And the more you accomplish the further you move away from being a total failure." (Herbert J. Greenwald, Ph.D)
Thus, THIS blog, in which I committed to writing SOMETHING everday, was born. And it only cost $13 dollars a month. Here are my first feeble steps I took in August after giving myself this cheap advice:
The first entry of my blog, Writing Pains:
"This blog is about my journey into the printed page being a beginning writer. On this Friday in August of 2010 I will chart my daily progress as a writer and maybe it will one day, years from now, end with a book. Twelve years ago, (get a cup of coffee and settle back – I've got to bring you up to speed) I decided that when I retired to my home in Cape Cod, I would be a writer. I had no idea what I was going to write or how to go about it, but the idea of sitting by my computer overlooking a marsh and writing was intriguing and going to give me something to look forward to during my last twelve years as a kindergarten teacher. Make no mistake, teaching was great fun and the love of my life, but I knew I had only twelve more years to do it, so I figured I better have a back-up plan.
Now the twelve years is up. I have been retired here in my house on Cape Cod for one solid year. What have I written? Nothing. Now this is not to say that I haven't done a lot of thinking about writing, because I have. I think mostly about the desk and tools and room I need to do it in, instead of what I am going to write about. I think that was what was holding up the process. I had to redecorate the house so I would have a "writing room". So in September of 2009, instead of putting pen to paper, I made a writing room. It's beautiful – right down to the brand new computer. It has the ambiance and serenity that would inspire any writer – just not me. You see, I finished the room by December 09 and it is August of 2010 and you are witnessing my very first words. (not really, but we'll get to that – that's where the pain begins)
I cannot say that in this past year I have done nothing about writing, other than create the room. Last September, while creating the room, I joined the Cape Cod Writer's Center. I was quite proud of myself for going out and actually joining a writer's organization. If you're beginning to get the idea that I was scared to write, you're right, but had to figure a way out of this. I attended every monthly Writer's Night Out and Breakfast with the Author's the group offered. I spent all year listening to other writer's and observing how they went about their craft. This was a good way to begin, but after 8 months of getting to know me, my new writer friends were beginning to ask "What do you write?", to which I would reply "Nothing yet, but I'm sure it will come to me at the right time."
Along about February, through some unforeseen circumstances, my writing project presented itself. My big ahah moment – I have my writing project – a nonfiction book. I know, I know, if you're not a beginning writer, or even if you are, you're probably falling off your chair laughing. A book? What am I thinking? Oh well, it's the story of my life – whenever I do something I'm passionate about, I do it in a big way.
Well, that's all for today fellow writers. Tomorrow I will begin to tell of my journey on the book writing road – hence the pain begins. Have a wonderful evening. ~ L.B. "
The next part of that journey will stay locked up for now because I'm not quite ready to bare my writing soul yet. (you can tell how painful it was by the way I just stopped writing when I got to that point) As I was being carried down the path of excitement over the project, somewhere fear and anxiety began to creep in and paralyze me. Fear of failure. Anxiety about "Am I good enough?" Now, three months later, I am happy that I am not so scared to share my writing pains with you. I am happy that I have made a plan and stuck to it and to my surprise, have written three months of a blog and it was not painful at all. My plan not only included this blog, but also alot of education and writing experiences along the way eventually getting to the book. I am happy to report that I have taken advantage of every opportunity presented to me to further my writing education and experience. As the shrink said, "type anything and consider it a partial success."
I think this concept of making a concrete plan to take the first step in any anxious area of our life is valuable advice and saves us from wallowing around in uncertainty. That place where we know we have to change things and move forward, but have no idea how to start. Make the first step small and concrete – with "paint by number" direction, leaving no possiblity of failure. Take it and plan the next step. Three months later, look down and wow, you are off the ground. You're moving up the ladder. Keep climbing and as you climb remember it's all about the journey, not the destination.
And so, as another day goes by, I stop and look down, and feel inspiration that I am no longer on the ground because…. I have written.
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