…and we all know what happens when we look down……
Everyone has their own focal point; that lighthouse that beckons when we stray from that which we believe is important in life. For me, that just happens to be God. Many times, when we stray from our focal point, it is unintentional and unknowingly. Major losses and crises in our lives knock us off the path we walk. Over the course of this past two years, that has happened to me. The loss of my husband's mom, retiring after 35 years of teaching, selling my home and moving to another state, and unexpectedly losing my own mom all happened within the space of less than 18 months. The rug of my life was pulled out from under me and I went spinning out of control over the course of 2010. Of course, this is only evident to me now. While it was happening, I insisted I was strong and none of this was upsetting me. I never once turned to God. I insisted "I had this". What I had was a desperate woman grasping tightly onto the people in her life for support. My focus had shifted from God to people. I was headed for a train wreck, and I got one. In the process, I lost things that are irreplaceable. I held onto people so tightly, they just smothered and disintegrated. For me, through the years, God was always the only one strong enough to weather my iron-fisted grip, but in thinking I could do it all myself, I looked down and the water gave way beneath my feet. 2011 has been my journey on my way back to my focal point. This message was made even clearer to me in my meditation today:
"Open to a larger, more abundant source. That source is God. And God's supply is the universe. When we look to God and the universe, we open ourselves to a never-ending supply of what we need – love, energy, teaching, support, information, and nurturing. Certain people and places may help us along our way, but God is our source of love. "
After reading that this morning I sat back and looked at my life since January. I have been blessed with new people that have entered my life and became part of it. I read in Kelly Cutrone's book, If You Have To Cry, Go Outside, that everyone has to build their "tribe" to travel life's path with. Our "tribe" is a group of people that give us the things mentioned above. No one person can give us all those things. In building our tribe, we must be very mindful of where we start. I have learned to start with God and give Him the freedom of choosing the people in my tribe according to the plans He has for me in this world. If left up to me, I could easily choose people who would deplete my energy, drain me, bring other negative people into my life, and cause me to look down, plopping rather ungraciously into the proverbial ocean. The people God has given me so far in my life are precious and I have not cared for those relationships carefully, including the one with Him. Putting my focus back where it belongs will change that. I will never take for granted that those God has given me will be there forever. Relationships are a gift from God and they must be cared for and attended to carefully or hearts will get damaged.
It's been a tough first three months of 2011, but once I stopped treading water and looked back up at God, suddenly the sea calmed, He took my hand, and I was walking back on top of the water, sun warm upon my back, drying my drenched clothing.
One might ask, how do I know I'm walking back on top of the water? The biggest thing is how I wake up each day. I wake up calm. The fear of loss doesn't crush my chest each morning when I open my eyes, like it did for 10 weeks. Second, during my journey, I comprised a list of what I call "whispers from God" after the title of the book "wHispers" by author and good friend, Shirley Pieters Vogel. (Just one of the people God has graced my life with) The fact, that this morning while thinking back over my journey, I could recall and write down the five "whispers" I now live by, on the inside cover of her book, without even having to hesitate, shows these "whispers" are now part of me. They govern the way I think, problem solve, move through my day, make decisions – in effect – this is my new personal code of living put together by me during my journey. Being able to do that enables me to finally say, "I feel better" – I'm back on top of the water.
And so, as another day goes by, I'm once again walking on water, and….I have written.
Linda….although i know your writings are not really intended for me, i feel compelled to let you know how much i appreciate reading your posts….i have gained some powerful insights into my own shortcomings by reading these over several weeks…i only wish i had started reading sooner. I wish to say “thank you” & let you know that what you are doing here touches other lives…Nancy Rotz.
Thank you, Nancy. I hope my words continue to inspire and help as I have been helped. Thanks for reading and supporting me. Blessings to you, Nancy.