…think you can't – either way, you're right, so says…Henry Ford, my yoga teacher, and my best friend.
Getting up to go to yoga this morning was tough before I even got out of bed. I didn't get many hours of sleep and have been navigating my way through an emotional jungle lately, so right from the get-go I had it in my mind that this was not going to be good. A little voice kept telling me "You don't HAVE to go you know". As I was driving there, I just knew today I was going to lose focus and breathe myself right into a panic attack. Then I remembered we were supposed come to class each day with no expectations. Don't look back. Today is a different day. Ok. I just thought getting myself there was good enough, but as the first few poses started, I was already looking for my breaking point. When would the pixeling that preludes passing out, begin? I swear it was hotter in that room today. Ahh, the focus fell away and my heart began to race – here it is, gonna have to lie down after this one.
During the rest period the instructor says "If you think you can, you probably will, if you think you can't, you probably won't, so either way, you're right. What are you thinking today?". Hmmm…. I was pretty much in the "can't" camp today. Contemplating not getting up after the 20 second rest. Suddenly I changed camps. Told myself to stop, get a grip, and focus on the breathing and get back in the game. I did. I completed every pose and though it was extra difficult today, I made it to the end. I'd never felt so pushed to the extreme before, and when I opened my eyes to get up, I found I was the only one left in the room. Yes, I guess it was an extra tough class…l am never the last one out of the room – I always have something or somewhere else I'm anxious to get to (even if it's only after yoga coffee).
Sometimes we have to take some time with ourselves, but not be gentle. Learning to kick your own butt back into focus is an art in itself. Looking within yourself for strength and concentration and not depending on people or your environment to right your world, is a valuable skill to possess. Kind of helps you head off making mountains out of molehills, so to speak, and drive yourself even further off track.
All in all, as another day goes by, looking to the breath, finding focus in your own eyes in the mirror, once again saves the day, and…I have written.
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