Yesterday’s class went well, even though it wiped me out afterward. Today’s class not only wiped me out, it did not go well. In fact, it didn’t even come close to going well. The only part that went well was the warm up. I felt strong and really able during the warm up poses. Eagle was amazing. I usually have to concentrate on stillness during eagle just to hold it the whole time. Today my abs kicked in, supported my back, and I even looked different in the mirror. I wasn’t trying to do any of that. When I set out to class this morning I was having a serious intention-setting talk with myself as it was already 88 degrees out and the humidity was out of sight. I told myself just move slow and gentle and breath normally. We weren’t trying for anything today. The mission was to conquer the class despite the weather. Upon entering the room and sitting on my mat for awhile, I restated these intentions with others as they, too, walked in and remarked how hot it was today. So you can see why the incredible things I did during warm up took me by surprise.
But that was the end of it. I was kneeling for at least one set of each balancing pose because the dizziness was so bad I was afraid of crashing into the wall. I actually laid down for the second set of triangle. I haven’t laid down in a class in two years. I was shocked I had to do it, but I didn’t get upset. I just took care of myself the best I could. Who was I kidding that this class, in this humidity today, was actually going to be okay?
I totally spent all I had during the warm ups. Every drop of hydration, every electrolyte I managed to bring with me, gone, well before the standing series even began. Though I wasn’t upset with myself, I was dumbfounded. Now, thinking back to the incredible things my abs did in the warm up – I’m thinking – could it really be time? Really be time that the process is going to finally begin working in the ab area? If this is it, it’d be like Xmas to me because I’ve waited almost two years for this yoga to get around to that area of my body. It had already gone through and firmed and toned every other muscle in my body over the course of the last 23 months, and I felt it, and later saw it, work and transform each and every one. I’ve got great legs, butt, arms, shoulders and back. But I look down at that stomach and for months realize all the extra mass the yoga was getting rid of was being moved right there. A long time ago I read that Bikram takes months to move the mass around your body until it all gets where it belongs, and only then does it begin discarding what your body doesn’t need.
Having lunch with a yoga buddy yesterday, we were discussing that this is a practice, a form of exercise, that was never going to be “done”. Our bodies are so different in each class and the yoga knows exactly where to zero in. If I had quit, or not done this so consistently, I would never be able to support that statement.
Remembering back over the last two years, I do recall that when the yoga was moving on to attack a new group of muscles, I had some rough classes while the transition was being made. So could this really be it? Could we, my dear yoga practice, could we finally be moving to clean up the ab area? If so, I’m in. Push me, kill me, mangle me, wear me out – anything – just as long as you finally move the puddle in my middle that drives me crazy. Suddenly, I can’t wait to go to class tomorrow. I have a new mission.
It never ceases to amaze me that the things that knock us on our ass, take every last bit of our strength, and make us mad are the very things we need to move to a new level of growing and changing. It’s really about way more than moving that puddle in my middle. (Although I’m not opposed to it.)
And so, as another day goes by, another loose screw in my head is being tightened, body, mind, and spirit are once again on the move, and…I have written.
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